


pesy oneshots

by 16Sydd16



Category: Little Mix (Band)
Genre: Bi, Bisexual, F/F, F/M, Gen, One Shot, One Shot Collection, pesy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2020-03-17 10:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18963100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/16Sydd16/pseuds/16Sydd16
Summary: A series of Pesy one shots, varying greatly in length and setting. A fair bit of Leigh and Jade as well:) Enjoy!





	1. Wasabi

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for sticking with me! I know it’s been a bit. Enjoy this little one shot!:)

    “How are you eating that?”

    “Huh?” I ask, absentmindedly eating whatever my fork happens to find as I stare at the girl across the room. 

    “Jes!” Jade yells at me. 

    “Yeah?” I ask, shaking myself. Jade’s talking.  _ Focus. _

    “Bloomin’ hell, Jes. Just go talk to her,” she says, shaking her head. “You’ve been staring over there for the last 20 minutes.”

    “I have not,” I say defensively, though we both know I’m lying. “Also, is your tongue tingly? My tongue is tingly,” I say, opening my mouth and sticking my tongue out in what I’m sure is the most unattractive way possible just as the hot blonde from two tables away chances a glance at me. She looks at me just a second, seemingly confused, before turning away. 

    “You know, for someone who is usually such a great flirt, you’re really mucking this up,” Jade says, sipping her drink. “Also, you’ve been eating straight wasabi.”

    “Well, I’m used to flirting with boys, and they’re quite stupid, so it’s not exactly hard.”

    “I resent that,” Jed says jokingly, sliding into the booth next to his girlfriend. 

    “Aw, she’s only telling the truth, babe,” Jade says far too seriously before leaning into her boy and pecking him on the cheek. 

    “She’s right though, Jes. Perrie and I have a mutual friend, and she says she’s quite into you,” Jed says. “She’s a big fan.”

    “Perrie’s her name?” I ask, liking the way her name rolls off the tongue. I’ve always been a fan of double letters.  _ Perrie. _ “What’s she do?”

    “She’s an entertainment lawyer, I think? She also does a bit of song writing. Killer voice, if memory serves, but a bit afraid of performing in public.”

    “She probably thinks I’m an idiot,” I grumble, dropping my head in my hands. “I’m a barmaid turned dancer. I barely went to school. How’m I supposed to compete with a lawyer?”

     “You’re a hell of an arguer,” Jade says, sipping her drink. I glare at her. 

     “What? The make-up sex would probably be great,” she says. 

     I mull the thought over in my head. Poor Jed looks mortified, but he’s trying to stay in the conversation, bless him. I’m about to commend him on his being an excellent boyfriend when I feel someone tap my shoulder.

    I whip around and come face to face with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. 

    “Hi,” She says with a shy smile. “I know this is kind of rude, but my friend Leigh threatened to drag me over here if I wouldn’t come say hi. I’m a bit of a fangirl, I’m afraid.”

_ Wow, she’s pretty.  _

    I realize that I’m meant to respond, but I’ve gone tongue tied. 

    “Do you wanna sit with us?” Jade asks sweetly.

    “Sure, thanks,” Perrie says, sliding into the booth next to me. “Jed, how’s it going?”

    “Well, Perrie, thank you. Ah, this is my girlfriend-”

    “Jade, right?” She says. “I may have been a big fan of the BBKMV dance crew before you all split up. You and Jesy were my favorites, though, so I’m quite happy to see you still get on.”

    The way she says my name. Not so geordie as Jade, but still a little funny. I can’t seem to get over anything she does, apparently, no matter how small. 

    “Yeah, Jes and I got on straight away, and we’ve been best mates ever since. Now, how do you know Jed?”

    “Ah, well, his stylist? Leigh Anne? She’s my best friend,” She says, pointing over to where Leigh Anne sits on the lap of a well-built tattooed man. 

    “Oh, I love Leigh!” Jade says, happy to have made the connection. 

    “Wait, I’ve met Leigh,” I say, remembering something. “At your birthday party last year, maybe? She did karaoke to Rihanna, I think?”

    “Sounds like Leigh,” Perrie says with a laugh. “She loves Rihanna.”

    “Who doesn’t?” I ask, giving my best cheeky smile. 

    Perrie and I monopolize the conversation after that, trading flirty smiles and making small talk. 

    “Do you wanna dance?” I ask a bit later, suddenly finding my courage again. 

    “Maybe I could buy you a drink? I’m afraid you’ll show me up on the dancefloor. I may need a bit more liquid courage first.”

    “Sure, sure,” I say with a laugh. “Jade, Jed-” I start, looking across the table before I realize they’re gone. 

    “Guess they got bored of us,” I say. 

    “Ah, I think I know what’s going on,” Perrie says with a little smile. “Look over there.”

    I look over to where she’s pointing and notice Jade and Jed talking quickly with Leigh Anne and the man she’s with, shooting Perrie and I a glance every now and then. 

    “We’ve been set up,” I say with a laugh. 

    “Leigh always teases me about my little crush on you,” Perrie says, her eyes going wide once she realizes what she’s said. “I-I, um, I-”

    “It’s alright,” I say, covering the hand she’s laid on the table with my own. “Jade’s been teasing me about you this whole night. I kind of couldn’t stop staring at you earlier and may have accidentally eaten straight wasabi-”

    She just laughs, entwining her fingers with my own. “I was wondering why you made that face at me.”

    I cover my face with my free hand. “Yeah, I’m usually a bit smoother than that,” I say, taking on an Australian accent. 

    “That’s quite alright,” Perrie says, mimicking me, before sieging back into her natural accent. “I thought it was proper cute.” 

    “Glad to hear it,” I say, smiling. 

    “Do you wanna go out tomorrow?” She asks me abruptly. “Sorry if that was too much too fast.”

    “What’s wrong with right now?” I ask, just as eager. 

    “I like the way you think,” She says, hopping up out of the booth before reaching to pull me up. She doesn’t let go of my hand once I’m on my feet. 

    We wave to her friends and mine on our way out. Leigh starts audibly cheering once she sees us hand in hand, which is quite the feat, considering we’re in the middle of one of the loudest nightclubs in London, and Jed joins her after a beat. Jade just laughs, waving at us and planting a kiss on her silly boyfriend’s cheek. 

    “Ready to go?” I ask Perrie, peeking down at our joined hands. 

    “Born ready, babe,” she says, planting a bold kiss on my cheek before leading us out the doors and into the city. 


	2. so hazy, but it's alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pesy being cute. That's all the description needed, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title take from Little Mix's "Love Drunk." Enjoy!

    I wake to something tickling my cheek. I scrunch my nose, trying to rid myself of the tickly-thing, but it just falls to my mouth instead. I blow a breath out, hoping that’ll do the trick, but it falls back just as soon as I’ve blown it away. I give up on the idea of solving my problem hands-free, and reach up to shove the itchy blonde thing out of my face. 

    Wait, blonde? 

    I quickly run a hand through my own hair, relieved when I pull a strand in front of my face and see that its still red. The girls would never let me live it down if I drunk dyed my hair _ again _ . I don’t remember having more than a single drink last night, but I don’t remember eating either, so who knows how much damage a single voddy diet coke could do? 

    “Mmm,” I feel, more than hear, on the back of my neck. The sound is gruff, but distinctly feminine, and can’t help but wonder yet again if I was a little drunker than I thought. I usually prefer boys on my little conquests, but I’ve been known to fall into the bed of a girl or two before. I take in my surroundings, feel the hands linked around my waist, the smooth, pale leg stuck in between mine and curled around my ankle. The hot breath at the back of my neck, in and out, in, out. It’s only when I hear her speak that I realize exactly how much trouble I may be in.

    “Morning, baba,” Perrie says from behind me. 

    “Good morning,” I answer softly, both a little relieved and a little afraid. Perrie and I are no strangers to a bit of a drunken snog, or a little grinding in the club, but the way she’s holding me right now seems a lot more intimate than anything else we’ve ever done. 

    “We don’ have to get up yet, d’we?” She mumbles against my neck. The vibrations from her gravelly voice combined with the feel of her warms lips on my neck could have me agreeing to anything, I’m afraid.

    “Not yet,” I tell her, though part of me thinks I should get up and run out right then and right there. The other part of me never wants to leave her embrace.

    “M’kay, good,” She says sleepily, pulling me a bit closer and wedging her leg a bit more firmly between my own. Soon enough, I hear her soft snores and I know she’s back asleep. Even though I’m scared out of my mind, I can’t help but smile at her cute little snuffles. I try to fall back to sleep, to just relax and let her hold me like I’ve wanted her to for the last I don’t know how many years, but the fact that I can’t really remember last night keeps me from doing so. I’m terribly concerned that I’ve stepped across some invisible friendship line. But, if I’ve stepped across, I suppose Perrie’s stepped right with me, hasn’t she? I mean, she is the one holding me, after all. 

     Despite my best efforts, or at least the best I can offer at the minute, sleep seems reluctant to take me, so I just try to enjoy this little moment that I don’t know if I’ll ever get again. 

    It ends sooner than I’d like it to, as Perrie starts to stir again 10 minutes later, this time rolling away from me as she stretches her arms and legs. I stay still, unsure of what to do. 

    “Jes?” She asks me a few moments later. “Jes, are you awake?”

    “Yeah, I’m up,” I say, rolling over just in time to see Perrie rubbing her tired eyes. Wow, she’s cute. 

    “What time is it?” She asks. 

    “How am I supposed to know?” I ask with a laugh. “I just got up, same as you.” 

    She smiles at me before grabbing her phone off the nightstand. 

     “Why, it’s practically the crack of dawn!” She says with a yawn. 

    “Pez, your phone says it’s 9:38,” I say. 

    “Well, aye! That’s practically 5am for a Saturday,” she says far too seriously. 

    I just laugh. “Well, we can watch a bit of telly before we get up for real, if you’d like.” 

    “Alright,” she says with a yawn. I turn and grab the remote from where it sits on the table, surprised when I feel her arms coiling around me once again. 

    “Uh, Pez?” I ask, properly shook. 

    “Just a few more minutes Jes, please,” She begs, sounding sad. 

    “Okay,” I agree, not sure what’s going on, but wanting more than anything to feel her arms around me. 

    “Are you gonna turn the telly on?” She asks, lips close to my ear. 

    “Is that alright? I thought you wanted to go back to sleep.”

    “I just want to lay here,” she says candidly. “I don’t much care if the telly’s on or not.”

    “So…?” I ask, unsure of a lot of things, but most presently what to do about the TV. 

    “I know you like a bit of reality TV in the mornings babe, so go ahead,” she says with a laugh, and I can feel the vibrations from her chest on my back. 

    “Alright, thanks,” I say a bit awkwardly. I feel her laugh again, feel her pull her arms around me just a little tighter. Her leg finds its way between mine once again, and after tensing momentarily, I feel myself relax fully into her embrace. 

    I flip through the channels before settling on a rerun of TOWIE. Someone’s just accused someone of getting lip filler when I feel Perrie’s lips on the back of my neck once again. 

    “Pez,” I sigh, and she hums. I feel her nip me with her teeth before soothing the little bite with her tongue. I can’t help but sigh, which spurs her on, starts her sucking at my neck.

    “Perrie,” I say, but it comes out more like a moan than the reprimand I intended it to be. “Perrie, stop,” I say, breathlessly but forcefully. 

    She scrambles away from me quickly, not looking at me. I grab her arm just as she stands up, pulling her back onto the bed. 

    “Pez, what’s going on?” I say trying to meet her eyes. She’s busy looking everywhere but me. 

   “Perrie,” I say, this time a bit more insistently, and grab her chin so that she has to look at me. 

    “What do you want, Jes?” She asks harshly, but I can see the tears in her eyes. 

    “I just want to know what’s going on,” I say softly, moving my hand from her chin to stroke her cheek. “I can’t really remember last night, and I just don’t know wha-”

    “What if I don’t know what’s going on?” She asks, a little tear falling down onto her cheek. I quickly swipe it away with my thumb, but another soon follows.

    “Just talk to me, then?” I suggest. “Maybe we can figure it out.”

    “Okay,” she says with a little sniffle. “Well, um. What’s the last thing you remember?” 

    “I remember…” I start, but it takes me a minute to recall any information. “Well, we were at the club, and then you were feeling a bit poorly, so we came back here?”

    “Yeah, that’s right,” she says, but offers up no further information. 

    “So how did we end up in bed together, then?” I ask.

    “Damn, that makes it sound like we slept together,” she says with a laugh. “We always end up the the same bed, Jes.”

    “Yeah, I guess. But it feels… different this time,” I say cautiously, watching her face. 

    She just looks at me. 

    “Perrie…”

    “Oh, Jes. It’s ah- it’s been different for me, for a while now,” she admits. “I didn’t- um, I didn’t wanna mess anything up between us, so I just. I kept quiet, thinking it would go away, but. It’s not going away.”

    “What’s not going away?” I ask hopefully, though I’m pretty sure I already know. 

    “My, um. Well. I like you, Jessica. Like, like-like. I proper fancy you,” she says, shutting her eyes, bracing for rejection. 

    “Well, that’s a relief,” I say with a laugh. 

    “What?” She asks, her eyes shooting open. 

    “I’ve fancied you the last four or so years, Perrie. I’ve just been waiting for you to notice. You’re a bit daft, babe,” I say with a laugh. 

    She looks at me incredulously. “Are you taking the mic?”

    “I promise I’m not,” I say. 

    “Well then- Well I- Well why didn’t you say anything?” She asks accusingly. 

    “Same reason as you. I was worried about messing things up. Plus, you were engaged at the time.”

    “So were you!” She says defensively.

    “Yeah, cause you were,” I say with a laugh. “I figured I’d better give up on you and try to get over it.” 

    “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” she says haughtily. 

    “Yeah,” I agree with a little laugh. “Not my best idea.” 

    “So, what happens now?” She asks. 

    “Well, what would you like to happen?” I ask with a small smile. 

    “I’d think I’d like to kiss you, if that’s alright?” she says shyly. 

    I just smile and lean in.

     “As you wish.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this little one shot! I'll get back to "(No one else can fix me) Only You" eventually, I swear. I've started 8 one-shots this week and this is the only one to make it to the internet so far. It's been a long couple of writing days.   
> If you're looking for some more Pesy fic to read while waiting for my idiot self to update, you should check out "Pesy One Shots" by 1TheArtOfLosing1 !! She's a great writer, and I help edit her fics sometimes! For some reason I enjoy editing her fics but I cba to edit my own😂 Seriously though, her first one-shot is up and it's great, so go give her some love!!  
> Hope you enjoyed this one shot, and look for more this next week or so!  
> xx  
> sydd  
> Tumblr @ 16sydd16


	3. Can't Breathe, Can't Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why is it that we always want what we can't have?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I have no time to write, a million things that I really ought to edit, and a major presentation that I'm to give on on Tuesday that's not even closed to finished. So what did I do with my valuable, fleeting time? Wrote a Pesy one shot, of course.   
> Not even edited a little bit.   
> Title taken from Little Mix's "Love Drunk."  
> Enjoy.  
> xx

     I find her in the kitchen, fiddling with something on the counter near the stove. I can immediately tell its her, even in the dim moonlight. Her silhouette is so distinct, even though we’re all the same height. I can tell it’s her from her hair, her neck, her  _ thighs _ , though I know better than to linger on the last feature for too long. 

    She’s being awfully noisy for it being 3:17am. At first, I think maybe the little numbers on the microwave clock are lying, that maybe it’s not really that late, but a quick glance at the oven clock shows the same time. She must not realize. Or, maybe she doesn’t realize the ruckus she’s causing. Regardless, I’m not worried about it, knowing the other two will sleep through her uncharacteristic noisiness. Leigh’s a heavy sleeper, and Jade sleeps with headphones in every night. I, on the other hand, am woken up by the smallest of shuffles. 

    Perrie stops rustling around for a moment, instead just placing her arms on the counter, leaning forward. 

    “Pez?” I say quietly, not wanting to scare her but wanting to let her know that I’m here. 

    “Shite, Jessica,” she says with a jump, whipping around to face me. “Gave me a heart attack, you did.” 

    “Sorry,” I say quietly, walking over to sit on the island next to where she stands. “What are you doing up this late?”

    “Did I wake you?” She asks, and I can see the apology in her eye’s before she’s even offered it. “I’m sorry, Jes.”

    “Oh, it’s alright, babe,” I say, running a hand through my sleep-mussed hair. “I’m just a light sleeper is all.”

    She gives me what I think is meant to be a small smile, but it comes out more like a grimace. 

    “What’s wrong, baba?” I ask her, grabbing her hand. 

    “It’s stupid,” she says, bringing the hand that’s not holding mine to rub at her eyes. 

    “Most things are, love,” I say with a laugh. “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. C’mon, what is it?” 

    “I just...ugh. I can’t. It’s just all a bit too much sometimes, you know?” she asks, eyes shining. “I-um. I’m grateful for all the stuff I have, all the things we get the opportunity to do, I mean. We’re living the dream, Jes. The absolute dream. But sometimes, it just. Sometimes-”

    “It feels more like a nightmare?” I offer.

    “Yeah,” she says, biting her lip. Despite her best efforts, a tear starts to track its way down her face. I quickly hop off the countertop and take her into my arms. As soon as I do, she starts to make these little choking sounds, and I can feel my heart break. 

    “Oh Pezza, it’s gonna be alright,” I say, pressing kisses to her forehead, her cheek, her hair. 

    “But what if it’s not?” She mumbles into my neck.

    “Then we’ll figure it out when we get there,” I say, running a hand up and down her back. 

    I keep humming gentle reassurances at her temple as she cries, and eventually her cries slow to soft sniffles and the occasional hiccup. 

     “Are you feeling any better?” I ask, once the cries become nearly nonexistent. 

    Nearly. 

    “Maybe a little,” she says, though I’m sure she’s only saying it for my benefit. 

    “Would a cuppa help?” I ask, loosening my hold on her a bit. 

    “Nah, I think I just better go to sleep,” she says, wiping her eyes before meeting mine. 

    “Alright, then,” I say, pulling her in for one last hug before I back away. “You wake me if you need anything, alright?” 

    “Sure thing. Thanks, Jes,” she says, shooting me the tiniest of smiles. 

    “Always, love,” I say, before making my way back to my room. I hear Perrie return to her own room after a couple of minutes, so I decide I better try and get back to sleep. A quick glance at the clock lets me know that it’s 4:38, and I groan, imagining the fatigue I’ll feel upon waking. 

    I’m nearly back to sleep when I hear my door creak open, and the quick padding of feet before I feel a dip in the bed next to me. 

    I turn around to face the dip, though I already know who I’ll find lying in it. 

    “Can I stay here tonight?” She asks, all watery blue eyes and tear stained cheeks and soft bitten lips and how could I say anything but yes? 

    “Of course, babe,” I say. She turns away from me, and I’m a little surprised at her sudden move until she asks in a small voice, 

    “Can, um. Will you hold me?”

    I don’t answer, but quickly wrap my arms around her little waist and twine one of my legs with her own. 

    “Goodnight, Jesminda,” she says softly, bringing one of the hands wrapped around her waist to her lips before giving it a smacking kiss. 

    “Night, Perriewinkle,” I say, planting a soft kiss behind her ear. I feel her shiver a bit, but shrug it off as a simple involuntary reaction, trying not to think much of it. 

   “I love you,” I whisper once I’m sure she’s asleep. As I drift off, I try to think of anything but the sleeping girl in my arms, and all the other things I want but cannot have. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was crazy short, and probably riddled with grammatical errors, but I hope you enjoyed!   
> Off to work on my presentation!  
> If you wanna fangirl about #bounceback, or tell me that you hated/loved this onseshot, come say hi on Tumblr at 16sydd16 !!  
> Also, check out my Pesy fic "(no one else can fix me) only you" right here on ao3, if you want!   
> Lots of love, and have a great week!  
> xx  
> Sydd


	4. Beneficial, More than Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pesy chilling in bed, having a heart to heart, followed by some mouth to mouth:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from Oops ft. Charlie Puth. Enjoy!! xx

     “Well don’t you look nice,” Perrie says, hopping up on the bed behind me. She’s a little too close, maybe, but I don’t mind. 

     “You know, it’s my Sunday best,” I say, not looking up from my phone. The plaid boxer shorts and black cuffed t-shirt I’m currently sporting are far from my best look, but I’m comfy, and I know Perrie doesn’t mind. 

     “Well, I think you look proper hot,” she says, her breath hitting my neck. She cuddles up to me, one hand around my waist and a leg thrown between my own. 

     “Mmm,” is all I give in response, more than a little distracted by her skin touching mine but trying not to show it. I can tell from how she’s pressed up against me that she’s in her typical movie-night fare: a long t-shirt and socks. 

     She sits up a moment later, when her phone goes off, and I have to fight not to groan at the loss of contact.  

     I’m not deprived long, as her hand lands firmly on my butt just a moment later, half on my skin and half on the soft red plaid shorts. I can see in the reflection of the TV that she’s on her phone, not paying attention to where her hand has landed. 

     Surely it’s an innocent mistake, though the feel of her hands on me is making me think all sorts of things that are no where close to being innocent. 

     I don’t want to tell her to move, but if I don’t and she realizes where her hand is, she’ll wonder why I didn’t say anything. 

     “Uhh, Pez?” I ask reluctantly. 

     “Yeah?” She says absentmindedly. 

     “Your hand is on my bum.”

     “Oh, sorry!” She says, pulling back her hand with a nervous giggle. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

     “It’s alright,” I say with a nervous laugh of my own. “Somebody may as well touch it.”

     “Oh, shush,” she says with a laugh, tugging my arm so I roll over to face her. “You haven’t had sex with anyone in, what, 4 hours?”

     “Oh, shut up!” I say, shoving her gently. “It’s been a minute since I’ve had a boy to romance me.” 

     “What about a girl?” she challenges, tossing me a wink. I don’t know when playful Pez decided to come for a visit, but I’m glad to see her. Sad Pez has been around far too long since her breakup, and I’m happy to see the light back in Perrie’s eyes. 

     “Oh, let’s see… 3, maybe 4? No, yeah, 4 days,” I say, lying through my teeth. My lie has the intended effect, and I see Perrie’s eyes go wide.

     “Only kidding, babe,” I say with a laugh, watching her visibly relax. “You know the only woman I have eyes for is you.”

     She rolls her eyes and groans, but the little smile stays on her face. “Have you ever, you know, got with a girl?” 

     “No, but I’ve thought about it,” I admit honestly. “I just sort of wonder what it would be like, you know?”

     “Yeah,” she admits, “Me too. But then my brain gets sort of… mind boggled at the whole thing. I just have lots of… questions.”

     “Yeah,” I agree lamely, not really knowing what to say next. “Have you ever kissed a girl?”

     “No,” she says. “Why? Have you?”

     “A couple of times,” I admit. “I was pretty drunk, though.”

     “Was it different to kissing a boy?” She asks, genuinely curious. 

     “I’m sure it was. I can’t really remember, though. Both times were a bit of a blur.”

     “Will you kiss me?” She asks, looking as shocked as I feel after she says it. “I mean- uh, just to see, if it’s different, and- uh.”

     “Sure,” I say, trying to sound nonchalant. 

     “Okay,” she says quickly.

     “Okay,” I agree. 

     “Should I- should we- uh stand?” She bumbles, looking worried.

     “Don’t be so nervous,” I say, sitting up so we’re facing each other, running a hand down her arm until she catches my hand in her own. 

     “I haven’t snogged anyone since I broke up with Alex,” she tells me.

     “Who said anything about a snog? I was just looking for an innocent little peck-”

     “I didn’t mean-” she says, cutting me off. 

     “Perrie, I’m kidding,” I say with a laugh. “Lighten up, alright? It’s just me.”

     “Right. Yeah, okay,” she says. “I’m nervous.”

     “I can tell,” I say, trying not to laugh. I expect a glare in return, but when she looks at me, she almost looks sad. 

     “Hey, Pezza, what’s wrong?” I ask, running the hand not entwined with hers along her face, rubbing my thumb along her jawbone. 

     “I just-” she starts, before leaning in quickly and pecking her lips against mine. 

     I’m expecting more, so when it doesn’t come I open my eyes. 

     “Is that all?” I ask cheekily. 

     She shakes her head, laughing at me a bit, before meeting my gaze. 

     “I thought it would be best to get the first one over with.”

     I want to respond with  _ who said there’ll be another? _ or  _ was it really that awful? _ but Perrie is nervous enough as is. 

     So instead, I move onto my knees, cup Perrie’s face with my hands, and move in slowly so she has the time to back away if she wants. I run my thumb over her bottom lip as I get closer, just once, before melding my lips to hers. 

     For a few seconds, nothing happens. It’s just my lips pressed against hers, soft and warm and slick. Just as I’m about to pull away, she responds, moving her lips against mine before sucking my bottom lip into her mouth. 

     This kiss turns from sweet little pecks to being anything but sweet pretty quickly after that, with teeth tugging lips and tongues in mouths and trying to get closer, closer,  _ closer _ . 

     Before I can think about what exactly I’m doing, my lips attach themselves to Perrie’s neck, placing sloppy kisses all around until I find a spot just under her ear that makes her keen, makes her buck up into me. I bite at the spot gently, laving my tongue over the imprints I leave before I set about sucking the delicate skin there, knowing I’ll leave a mark. 

     When I nip at it again Perrie squeals, placing her hands firmly on my bum and pulling me forward so that I’m straddling her now. I expect her to move her hands once she has me where she wants me, but they remain cupped around my bum. 

     “Cheeky,” I say, a little breathless. Before I can continue my assaut on her neck, she squeezes me, and I let out a little pant. 

     She laughs before reattaching her lips to my own, continuing to knead my bum. I try and press myself more firmly into her hands, craving the contact, but I think it’s impossible for the two of us to get any closer. 

     We’ve toppled over on the bed by now, me practically lying on top of her, my legs straddling her hips and my elbows propped on the bed just below her head so that I can keep hold of her pretty little face as I kiss her. 

     Our kisses slow a little once we’ve laid down, becoming less frantic, though we remain tightly pressed together. 

     I pull back for a moment, just far enough to look at her. 

     “Is everything alright?” Perrie asks, eyes popping open when her lips are no longer covered by my own. 

     “Perfect,” I say, tracing a hand along her face before pressing a soft kiss to her lips, and then a quick peck to her nose. The way she smiles at me after makes my heart hurt, so I do it again, this time earning soft giggles as a reward. 

     “I like the little noises you make,” I tell her, before I can think better of it. It’s like my rational mind, the one that knows 3000 reasons why this is a bad idea, shut off for the night as soon as her lips met mine. 

     Something flashes in her eyes as she smiles back at me. “Well, I-”

     “We’ve got snacks!” Leigh yells, barging in the door. 

     I roll off of Perrie as quickly as I can. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how close we were to the edge of the bed, so I end up rolling off of that as well and landing with a thunk on the floor. 

     “Ow, shit,” I mumble, sitting up to rub my sore elbow. 

     “What are you doing down there?” Leigh asks, looking confused.

     “You startled me,” is all I say, knowing that I’m crap at lying so I better just stick with vague truths. 

     Perrie’s trying and failing to cover up her laughter at this point, and I shoot her a glare. 

     “Sorry,” she says, looking anything but, and I glare at her before making my way back onto the bed. I want to tackle her onto the bed and kiss the hell out of her, tease her properly for laughing at me.  I decide that this is probably not the best course of action, what with Leigh and Jade being here, so for now I settle for hopping up off the floor and getting back onto the bed. 

     “So, are we ready for a movie?” Jade asks, settling onto the other bed in the room. Leigh follows her, but not before tossing a box of Jaffa cakes and some Cheeze-it’s toward me and Pez.

     “How did you get these?” Perrie asks, excitedly shaking the box of Jaffa’s. 

     “Yeah, did you smuggle them in?” I ask. They don’t sell Jaffa cakes in America, and as such I haven’t seen one in about 3 months. 

     “Claud’s been hiding them in his case this whole trip,” Jade says with a mischievous smile. “And tonight, he lost a bet.”

     “Well his loss is our gain!” Perrie says, already ripping open the box. Or well, trying to rip open the box. 

     “I can’t get it,” she whines at me, pouting. I take hold of the box she’s pointing at me, quickly ripping of the cardboard tab and freeing the goodies inside. 

     “Yay!” she says, throwing her arms around me in a hug. I return it with a giggle, craving the feel of Perrie against me, even in this (mostly) platonic way. 

     “Alright you two, break it up,” Jade says jokingly. “We need to pick a film!” 

     “Fill-um,” Leigh repeats, mocking Jade’s accent. “It’s the one word I can’t get over.” 

     Jade just rolls her eyes. “You’d think, after nearly 8 years, you’d-”

     “I know, I know, forget it,” Leigh says waving her hand. “Now, what are we watching?”

     We quickly decide on  _ Easy A _ , ‘cos it’s a classic, and snuggle into our respective beds and set about shoving our faces with snacks. It’s our last three days in America, so none of us can be arsed to keep up with the strict diet we’ve stuck to throughout tour. We’ve finished our last show, and now’s the time to relax. 

     I try to focus on the movie, I really do, but there’s one question I need the answer to first. 

     “Pezza,” I say quietly, not wanting to alert Leigh and Jade. 

     “Yeah?” she answers sweetly, directing her attention at me instead of the TV. “Y’alright?”

     “Yeah, fine,” I say with a smile. She’s so close that I can’t help but peck a soft kiss to her cheek, quickly, so that the other girls don’t notice. 

     She smiles at me, big and bright and happy, her little dimple popping out. I want to kiss her again, right on the dimple, but I refrain ‘cos I don’t want to be caught. 

     “What’s up, then?” She asks, still smiling, knowing she’s the reason I’ve become distracted. 

     “When you put your hand on my bum earlier, was it really an accident?”

     She laughs, easily playing it off to Jade and Leigh as if she’s laughing at the movie, before shooting me a small smile. 

     She doesn’t say anything right away, but soon enough I feel a hand ghosting over my thigh, coming to rest on my bum once again, her fingers playing with the edge of the soft fabric.

     She winks at me before turning her head back towards the TV, giving my bum a squeeze. 

     She still hasn’t moved her hand by the time I drift off to sleep, a movie and a half later.  

     I guess I have my answer. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Hope you enjoyed this little one-shot. Apparently my kink is Pesy chilling in bed asking "Kiss me?" cause that seems to be the premise for freakin' everything I write lol:) 
> 
> If you've checked out this one-shot series before, you may have noticed that I pulled the last one-shot, called "Ex" after the Kiana Ledè song. If you liked that one, don't worry, it'll be back! It was supposed to be a 2 part one-shot (which like, why?? lol) but it's quickly grown into at least 3 (likely 4) parts, so I'm gonna publish it as its own little mini story. 
> 
> Please review and leave kudos, if you feel so inclined!! Seeing you guys interact with the story is my absolute favorite thing, and it totally makes my day!! Also, if you have a request, leave a comment and I might write a one-shot based on your suggestion. Provided it lends some inspo lol:) also, Pesy is my OTP, but I'm open to writing other ships as well, if you guys would be interested in something like that! I'm a big fan of Jadesy:)
> 
> Okay, this A/N is already way too long, but basically I just wanna know what you guys think!! 
> 
> Have a splendid day, and come say hey on Tumblr @16sydd16 !! 
> 
> Also, shameless self plug, go check out my Pesy fic (no one else can fix me) only you right here on AO3!:) And look for Ex part 1 to be reposted soon, with part 2 to follow soon after!! 
> 
> Okay, bye! Thanks for reading!!


	5. I was a little left out, but I'm not anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pesy going to the fair. Why? Because it's what I wanted:)  
> I hope you enjoy!!  
> xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please read the end notes!!:)

     “What do you mean you’ve never been to the county fair?” I ask, absolutely baffled.  _ Everyone’s _ been to the county fair. Hell, even my dog’s been to the county fair.  _ Twice. _

     “We just never went,” Jesy says, giving me a small smile. “Never had the time or the money, with all the shit that went down with my dad. The “Nelson spawn” weren’t exactly welcome around the Romford county fair.” 

     I’d do anything to wipe the sad, quiet look from her face. 

     “Well, you’re not in Romford anymore, love. Plus, I’d imagine the Romford county fair is a bit shit,” I say with a laugh. “Can’t imagine you missed much. And, you’re gonna be an Edwards in a few months anyway so… Let’s go!” I say, swinging our hands where they’re linked between us. 

     She smiles at me, brighter this time. I was a little worried at first about who would take who’s name, as I’m quite fond of my surname, but Jesy was happy to take my name. She’s got no attachment to being a Nelson, anyway.

     “Don’t you think we’re a bit old?” She asks, wrinkling her nose. 

     “You’re never too old for the fair! That’s like being too old for Santa!” I say, incredulity coloring my tone. 

     Jesy laughs. “Perrie, Santa’s not-”

     “Ah! I can’t hear you! La la la la la!” I yell, pulling my hands up to cover my ears. 

     She laughs at me, planting a sloppy kiss to my cheek. “Whatever you say, babe.”

     “Come on! You’ve got to believe in him, Jes. He’s magic. And Christmas isn’t the same without magic!” I plead. 

     “I haven’t believed in him since I was 6, Perrie. When I waited up all night and he never came and my mum had to explain that we hadn’t done anything wrong- sometimes Father Christmas just can’t work it all out, cause money can be tight even for him, and some kids get less than others. My dad came in stumbling drunk while I was trying not to cry, and told me that maybe I’d have gotten a gift if I wasn’t such a whiny little brat. Then he told me Santa wasn’t real and got sick all over the tree skirt,” she says, expression hard, before her gaze softens when she looks at me. “But for you, love, he can be real.”

     I stop our walk down the street to take Jesy in my arms and squeeze her as hard as I can, as if I can squish out all the bad memories. My parents' relationship was far from perfect, but I never doubted that either of them loved me, that they wanted the best for me. “Well, he’s coming this year, so be ready for that,” I say, pecking firm kisses to her cheeks until she’s giggling and batting me away. 

     “Sure he is,” she says, though I can see she doesn’t really mean it. I can’t blame her. It’s a dreadful thing to get your hopes up when you’re only ever met with disappointment. “But we don’t have to worry about that now. It’s only June.”

     “Exactly! Which is the  _ perfect _ time to go to the fair!” I say, jumping up and down a bit, though I try to refrain. Jesy just laughs at my childish display. 

     “Let’s go then,” she says, smiling. 

     She seems a bit guarded the whole drive there, as if she’s expecting something will happen to prevent us from reaching our destination. 

     She lets out a breath once we pull into the parking lot, looking in cautious awe at the less-than-sturdy rides and flashing lights and funhouses. 

     We walk to the gate hand in hand, where I buy far too many tickets. Jesy tries to tell me so, but I wave her off. 

     “I want you to be able to do absolutely everything you want. Plus, these rides go up in price every year! That big slide there was one ticket when I was young. It’s climbed all the way to six!” I say.

     “Inflation,” Jesy replies absentmindedly, distracted by the overstimulation all around us. “I don’t even know where to start.”

     “Well, lucky for you, I am an expert on this particular fair. Would you like to start with food, rides, games, or non-ride attractions?”

     “What’s a non-ride attraction?” Jesy asks, looking confused. 

     “Like, funhouses, petting the horses, karaoke, that kind of stuff!” I say with a smile, wanting nothing more than to give Jesy one of the happiest nights she can remember. 

     “Let’s start there, huh? I’m not sure I’m ready for any of the big rides yet,” she says with a shy grin. 

     “Okay!” I say, happily tugging her along toward the funhouse. 

     I’m pretty sure the target audience is children, but I have a blast. I’m not too sure if Jesy is laughing at the funny mirrors and such, or just laughing at my reactions. 

     Probably the latter. 

     After the funhouse, we quickly visit the horses. Very quickly, in fact. Jesy says they smell awful, but as I wasn’t gifted with the power of scent, I wouldn’t know. I’m grateful for my lack of ability in this moment, because the look on Jesy’s face as she takes in the smell is rather unpleasant. 

     We do a little bit of this and that before we end up on the ferris wheel, sharing a sweet kiss right as we get stuck at the top. 

     I sigh aloud as we sit, looking out over the rest of the little fair, leaning my head against Jesy’s shoulder to look up at her- a much prettier sight. 

     She’s smiling softly, clutching the little bear I won for her in a feat of dumb luck earlier. 

     I’d wasted 12 additional tickets trying to replicate my win so Jesy could upgrade her prize, but after my 4th failed attempt, Jesy gently grabbed my hand and lead me away from the balloon darts, expressing her love for the little brown bear tucked in her hand. 

     “I’m very grateful for you, my Pezza,” she says, planting a slow kiss to my lips. 

     “I love you more than anything, my Jesminda,” I tell her soppily, happy when she obliges my wordless request for another kiss. 

     “I don’t know how you’ve retained your innocence all these years, but I know it must’ve taken some effort. I’ve never really felt innocent before, but I feel it when I’m trying all these new things with you, and I love that. I feel like I’m finally getting the chance to, like, be a kid. You’re all too happy to indulge me, give me a shot to make the memories I never got the chance to. And I couldn’t love you more for it,” she says, eyes a little watery. 

     I kiss her hard, only to be startled away when the ferris wheel starts moving again. 

     She laughs, eyes bright as we’re brought back down to the ground. 

     I peck one more kiss to her cheek and grab her hand as the teenager working the ride unbuckles our belts. 

     “Now c’mon, I wanna go on the slide!” I say, dragging her from the seat. 

     She just follows along, shaking her head and smiling. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, wow. So, guess who has been posting on wattpad but forgot to cross-post over here? Whoops😬 Sorry!  
> On the bright side, this means I'll be posting 4 new one shots in total today, and also the second chapter of "Nothing Else Matters," my full-length Pesy story.  
> I'll also be posting EVERY DAY this week, both over here and on wattpad. So, if you like these stories at all you're in luck! The number of one shots in this book will be nearly doubled by the end of today, and will be more than doubled by the end of the week.  
> Sorry I've been neglecting you guys🙃 I'll make sure to catch y'all up today!  
> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!  
> Kudos and comments make my day, so if you feel like leaving one of either, that's all the better!:)  
> Have an excellent day, and come say hi on Tumblr! @ 16sydd16  
> okay, bye!  
> xx  
> sydd


	6. "It's like Jekyll and Hyde..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pesy on the tour bus. Jesy is upset, and Perrie's just hoping she can make it better✨   
> Chapter title is taken from an interview in which the girls are discussing Jesy's mood, and Jade says "It's like Jekyll and Hyde when Jesy's in a bad mood. Run for cover!"

     “I wouldn’t go in there if I was you, Pezza,” Leigh tells me.

     “Is she busy or something?” I ask Leigh. 

     “Nah, just bitchy,” Leigh says. “Sorry, you know I didn’t mean that.”

     “I know you didn’t babe. There’s not a mean bone in your body. She in a mood?” I ask. 

     “A foul one,” Jade says, walking in from the little kitchen area with a water bottle in hand. It’s more like a pantry, really, but it’s got a microwave, so I suppose it’s supposed to be called a kitchen. 

     “Do we know what’s wrong?” I ask. 

     “I walked by her bunk and it sounded like she was yelling at someone on the phone. She might’ve caught me eavesdropping and told me to piss off,” Leigh admits. 

     “You left that part out earlier,” Jade says. “You know she hates it when you do that.”

     “I know. I didn’t mean to! It just sort of happened.”

     “Well, you could’ve warned me before I went to try and talk to her!” Jade says. 

     “I just forgot!” Leigh insists. “But I remembered to tell Pez, so she wouldn’t have to go in and face Jesy’s wrath.”

     “Thanks for that, Leigh, but I’m gonna take my chances,” I say. 

     “Well, it was nice knowing you,” Jade says, raising her bottle to me before taking a drink.

     “Good luck,” Leigh says with a salute. I shake my head with a little laugh, then set on my way to find Jesy. 

     “Hey Jesy?” I say quietly, coming closer to her bunk. “Jes?”

     “Go away, Pez,” I hear from behind the curtain. “I’m not in the mood.” 

     “Well, I am,” I say, yanking back the sheet. 

     She looks up at me angrily, with puffy eyes. That’s when I know something’s really wrong. 

     “Jes, what’s the matter?” I ask softly. 

     “I said go away, Perrie!” She says, yanking the curtain closed again. I wait a minute, but once I hear a sniffle behind the curtain, I can’t help but peek around it again. 

     “Oh, Jesminda,” I say, climbing into her bunk once I see the tears on her face. She turns her head and tries to scoot away from me, but the bunk is barely big enough for one person, let alone two. There’s nowhere for her to go. 

      “C’mon, Jesy, tell me what’s wrong.” I say, starting to really worry.

     “Can’t you just leave well enough alone for once in your life, Perrie?”

     “That’s not really my style,” I say sarcastically, knowing that she doesn’t mean what she’s saying. Jesy gets like this when she’s really sad.

     “C’mon, babe. Don’t push me away. Please?” I ask softly. I’ll guilt her into talking to me if I have to, cause I know it's what’s best for her. 

     “Ugh,” Jesy says grumpily, but she turns around. She tries to keep looking at me angrily, but it’s not long before her bottom lip starts to quiver. 

     “Come here, Jes,” I say, opening my arms. 

     That’s all it takes for her to dive into them. She buries her face in the little hollow on my neck, and it’s not long before I feel hot tears dripping onto my shoulder. 

     “Let it all out, babe,” I say, squeezing her tighter. Her cries get a bit louder, and I swear I can feel my heart breaking. I plant little kisses to the crown of her head in an effort to make things better, but I don’t think it helps. I feel useless. 

     She cries for nearly 10 minutes before her sobs start to slow, little hiccups beginning to take the place of heaving breaths. 

     “Do you want to talk about it?” I ask hesitantly. I feel her shake her head before she pulls back, just a little.

     “Can I just take a nap? I don’t want to cry anymore, and if I talk, I’m afraid I’ll start again,” She says, her voice thick and hoarse. 

     “Yeah, of course,” I say, pulling away from her. “I’ll leave you to it, and come back later.” 

     “Will you stay?” Jesy asks quickly, looking panicked. “Just till I fall asleep?”

     “Yeah, of course,” I say again, like a pull-string doll with one bloody phrase. I guess I just don’t know what else to say. 

     It only takes a couple of seconds for Jesy to snuggle back into me, my arms coming up around her automatically. She doesn’t say anything else, and within a couple of minutes I feel her steady breathing against my neck. 

     I know she said I could go once she fell asleep, but I can’t find it in me to just leave her like this. I don’t want to do anything but hold her and tell her that everything’s gonna be alright, even if she can’t hear me. So, that’s what I do. 

     I must doze off at some point, cause I wake up to Jesy trying to sneak around me and out of the bunk. 

     “Not allowed,” I say groggily, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind and pulling her back to me. She gives in rather quickly, knowing better than to fight with me when I’ve just woken up. I make myself comfortable behind her, tucking my knees into the little hollow formed by hers, pulling her closer to me than I ever would if I was fully awake. I plant a little kiss on the back of her neck before I can think better of it. I feel her tense up, but she relaxes back into me momentarily, even running her fingers over one of the arms wrapped around her. 

     It’s been quiet a few moments, and I’m nearly back to sleep when I hear her sigh. “Oh, Pez. What am I gonna do with you?”

     I do my best to measure my breathing, faking like I’m asleep in case there’s something else she wants to say to me. Well, to asleep me. I know Jesy well enough to know that she won’t be able to keep whatever secret she’s hiding inside for much longer. She’s gotta tell someone, even if that someone isn’t fully conscious.

      Still, she just keeps stroking my arm, making me sleepier and sleepier. 

     “We fought about you again today,” she says softly. “He thinks I’m cheating on him with you.”

     I want so badly to react, but do my best to stay as still as possible- I’ve got to hear what happens next. 

     “You and I both know I’m not. Hell, even he knows I’m not, really. But do you know what he said? “You would if you could, Jess. Don’t lie to me.”  And you know what? I would. Doesn’t that make me an awful person? You’ve got a boyfriend, I’ve got a boyfriend, and we’re best friends. And I’d push all that out of my mind if you asked me to. I always figured this little infatuation I had with you would go away over time, but it’s just getting worse and worse. I don’t know how much longer I can do this, Pezza,” she says with a sigh. I do my best to stay totally still, waiting for her to continue, and she does. 

     “And you know what’s the most messed up thing about it? I haven’t told you any of it. Years of me secretly pining after you, and you’re none the wiser. I mean, it’s not totally my fault your clueless, but it is a bit, isn’t it? I’ve been trying to hide it. I think Jade knows, ‘cos no offense babe, she’s a bit more on it than you and Leigh, but she’s been kind enough not to say something. But part of me wishes that  _ someone  _ would say something. I just don’t know what to do anymore, Perrie.”

     I hear her sigh again, but this time nothing follows. I feel her relax into my embrace a bit more, and then soon enough, her breathing is even once again. 

     I don’t know what to do. On the one hand, she’s my best friend. I’d do anything for her. And on the other hand…

     It hurts my brain to think about it too much, and I’m already plenty tired, so I decide to let sleep take me. I’ll deal with Jes’s little revelation later.

     The next time I wake up, she’s gone. I know she can’t have gone far, ‘cos we’re on a tour bus somewhere in the _ middle of nowhere _ ,  _ America _ , so I set off in search of her. I have no idea what I’m going to say when I see her,  _ if _ I’m going to say something when I see her, but I feel the need to be close to her. 

     I don’t have to look far. She’s curled up in a plushy chair opposite Leigh and Jade, laughing and Jade’s impression of our manager. 

     Wow, she’s pretty. And that laugh. Loud, brash, and undeniably gleeful. There’s nothing that makes me happier than the sound of Jesy’s laugh. 

     Jade notices me first. 

     “Ah, good morning, sleeping beauty,” she says, taking on an Aussie accent. 

     “What time is it?” I ask softly, rubbing my eyes. 

     I see Jesy’s head turn to look at me, notice the softness in her gaze. I’m not sure how I missed it before, but the way she looks at me is definitely… different. Different to how she looks at Jade and Leigh, anyway.

     “It’s a little after, three, Love,” Jesy says quietly, smiling at me. 

     “We still have a few hours til we reach the venue,” Leigh says, “so we was thinking of playing cards or something. To help pass the time.”

     “Okay,” I say, nodding my head, letting my gaze drift back to Jesy as Leigh and Jade bicker about which game to play. Leigh wants to play skip bo. Well, until Jade suggests we play something with a bit of money involved. Leigh loves to gamble, but she’s shite at everything that’s mildly strategic, so she’s insisting she be given an advantage. I’m waiting to hear Jade’s surely incredulous reply when I see Jesy yawn. 

     “You still tired?” I ask her, falling victim to her contagious yawn. 

     “A bit,” she says. “Do you want to come sit down?” she asks, getting up from her chair. 

     “No, it’s fine, you can,” I say, not wanting to displace her. 

     “No really, I don’t mind. I’ll survive on the floor for a couple rounds of blackjack.”

     “Is that what we’re playing?” I ask, sliding into the chair Jesy’s just given up. 

     “I’ve got no idea,” Jesy says, looking confused when I grab her arm to keep her from sinking down to the floor. “What-”

     “Sit with meeeee,” I say, pulling her down onto my lap. 

     She looks a little confused but acquiesces, settling half on the chair and half on me, laying her head on my shoulder and gently playing with the fingers on my right hand where it rests on her thigh. 

     I turn to press a kiss to her forehead at the exact moment she pops up to ask me a question, and my lips clumsily meet hers. 

     We both freeze for a second, not pulling away but not going deeper. I’d imagine the impulse once you accidentally kiss someone is to jerk away, so that fact that we’re both still pressed up against one another is… telling. 

     I decide to shoot my shot, since I might never have this opportunity again, and I press my lips to hers a little more firmly, moving against her gently. 

     To my surprise and delight, she responds, albeit tentatively. We keep it up, exchanging soft kisses and then firmer ones for some time. She’s just slipped her tongue between my lips when Leigh squeals. 

     “Ah! What’s going on? Jade!”

     “Leigh, wha- holy shit,” she says, eyes huge. 

     Jesy hides her face in my neck for just a second, mumbling a word that is surely of the four letter variety before she pulls her head back with her best attempt at a straight face. 

     We all just sort of look between one another for a few minutes, doing lots of slow blinking and eyebrow furrowing, before Jade gets up, wordlessly exiting the room and dragging Leigh with her. 

     That leaves Jes and I to continue with the slow blinking until I eventually decide to bite the bullet. 

     Here goes.

     “I was awake earlier, and, um, I heard what you said,” I say.

     “You- what?” Jesy asks, and I feel her tense. “How much- ah, how much did you hear?”

     “All of it?” I say scrunching my nose and hoping she’s not mad at me. “At least, I think it was all of it.”

     “Oh,” she says, staying sat on my lap but looking like she’s ready to run if need be. Although, I’m not sure where she’d run. There’s no room for privacy on a tour bus, especially one carrying four mid-twenties girls. 

     “Yeah,” I say lamely, wrapping my arms more securely around her on impulse. 

     “Well,” she says, looking dreadfully unsure of what to say. “You, um, you didn’t run away.”

     “No, I didn’t,” I say, also unsure how to react. 

     “You kissed me,” she says, voice quieter than before. 

     “I did,” I say, just as softly. 

     “So…?” She aks.

     “So…,” I reply. 

     “Are you- we’re- bi?” She bumbles, bringing her eyes up to meet mine. “You like girls?”

     “Uh- well. Maybe? I don’t, um. Gender isn’t like, a huge deal for me. Don’t know what that makes me, but,” I trail off, running a hand through her hair. “I like you.”

     “You never told me,” she says, leaning into my touch. 

     “You never asked before,” I reply, knowing it’s a bit of a cop-out but not really caring. “You’re bi?”

     “Yeah,” she replies easily, grabbing the hand I’ve placed on her cheek and pressing a kiss to my palm. 

     “You never told me,” I say, parroting her response from earlier. 

     “Well,” she says, grinning, “you never asked.”

     “Maybe we could both do with asking some more questions, hmm?” I ask, mirroring her smile. 

     She nods. “I plan to start now,” she says, naughty gleam in her hazel eyes.

     “Oh yeah?” I ask, letting my face drift closer to hers. 

     “Yeah,” she says, leaning her forehead on mine. “Perrie, will you kiss me?”

     I can’t help the grin that stretches itself across my face. 

     “I thought you’d never ask.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just a bit of cute to start the week off right:)   
> My plan is to upload something EVERY DAY this week, so please follow me if you'd like to be in the know about all the new stuff!!   
> Today I'll be updating Nothing Else Matters for the first time in ages, and I'm psyched! Do you follow NEM? Are you excited?😁  
> Wednesday will be another one shot, as will Thursday. As of Friday? I'm not quite sure yet...🌝  
> Also, if you have prompts, please send them in! I'd be happy to take a crack at 'em!   
> Just wanted to take a quit moment to thank everyone who comments/leaves kudos!! Y'all are great🌈 I appreciate each and every one of you so much!   
> Okay, I'll quit blabbing now.   
> I hope you enjoyed the one shot, and I hope you're looking forward to the NEM update later today! I'll see you then.   
> Please comment, leave kudos, and/or follow me if you feel so inclined, and I hope you have an excellent day!   
> xx  
> sydd  
> Tumblr @16sydd16


	7. friends can break your heart too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you miss me like I miss you?   
> Messed around and got attached to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title and summary from "I hate u, I love you" by gnash ft. olivia o'brien

     I knock on Jade’s door crying for the third night in a row. 

     “Oh, Jesy,” she says, pulling me into her arms as soon as she opens the door. 

     I do my best to mumble a quick  _ sorry to bother you  _ but it sounds more like  _ sowwah taaa bawhayaaaa _ through my tears. 

     Jade quickly sits me on the bed and lets me cry out, holding me all the while. She murmurs quiet  _ shhhhhhs _ and presses soft kisses to my hair until my breathing has slowed, and the tears are only falling every other minute. 

     “Is it Pez again?” she asks softly. 

     “Yeah,” I admit with a sniffle. 

     “You’ve got to tell her, babe. Or try and forget about all this. You can’t let her keep doing this to you,” she tells me, just as she has pretty much daily over the last three months. 

     “I don’t want to mess everything up,” I say, leaning my head on Jade’s shoulder. “If she doesn’t feel the same, I don’t think I’ll be able to stand it.”

     “Well, no offense Love, but you’re not really standing it all that well with how things are now anyway,” she says, her tone soft but words firm. “Can it really get all that much worse?”

     “I don’t want to find out,” I tell her truthfully, hiccupping softly.

     “But what if it can get better? Don’t you want to find that out?” Jade asks me, rubbing a hand along my back. “You can’t keep on living like this, Jes.”

     “I know,” I say, leaning all my weight on Jade. 

     “I’m gonna tell you a story, alright?” She says, speaking softly into my ear. 

     I nod.

     “Alright, allow me to set the scene,” Jade says, affecting an Aussie accent and making me giggle. It’s clear from how tense she is that she’s quite nervous. 

     I drop a hand to her thigh and give her a squeeze, as if to tell her that  _ it’s alright _ , but she just stares back at me sadly. 

     “The year is 2014,” she says, like she’s an ancient old man and 2014 was years ago. I suppose it was, but it hasn’t really been  _ that _ long, has it?

     “I’d just broken up with Sam. Our relationship had fizzled, and I just wasn’t all there for it anymore. I felt like I owed it to him to break things off before we got serious. We’d been apart a lot, travelling, and my eye had wandered to someone else.”

     I look up at her, curious. I knew Jade had been the one to do the breaking up, but at the time she’s claimed that it was due to tough schedules and growing apart. I never knew there was someone else. 

     “Wh-” I start.

     “Hold all questions until the end of the presentation, please and thanks,” Jade says haughtily, and I laugh before motioning for her to go on. 

     “Anyway, I was single again, but the object of my affections had no idea that I was crushing on them,” she says. “I tried to make it obvious, but she was completely oblivious.”

_ She? _ I want to ask. Jade looks nervous though, so I refrain. Supposedly, all of us are straight. Publically, we’re only allowed to date boys, though both Perrie and I have casually gone out with women in the past. And hooked up with one another. Repeatedly.   

     That’s a story for later. 

     I thought Leigh and Jade really were straight, but I guess I was wrong. About Jade, anyway. Although, who knows if I’m wrong about Leigh as well?

     “She had no idea,” Jade continues. “ I tried dropping little hints, tried to show her I was interested. I think she just thought I was being friendly, ‘cos she’s naturally really affectionate, and-”

     “Was it Perrie?” I ask incredulously, wondering why Jade would be so adamant about me revealing my feelings to Perrie if Jade had a thing for her. 

     “No, you goof,” Jade says exasperatedly. 

     I look at her sheepishly, a little hurt. 

     “Sorry, sorry,” Jade says, tightening her arms around me. “I didn’t mean to call you a name. I just needed you to stop talking. And no, it was not Perrie.”

     “S’alright. I’m just sensitive right now, I guess. Go on,” I say, wiping at my lingering tears with the sleeve of my jumper. 

     “So, one day, I decided to just go for it. I knew it could end badly, but I just had to tell her how I was feeling. So I showed up at her flat, late at night,  in the rain, ready to pour my heart out- only to find her there with someone else.”

     Oh.  _ Oh.  _

     “It was a really hard moment for me, and a hard couple years after, but eventually I got over it, opened my heart up again. I’m alright now, ‘cos I know  _ we _ really aren’t meant to be, but it’s different for you and Pez. You and Pez are involved, have always been involved to a degree. I was just pining. You’ve got a basis for it, darling,” Jade finishes. 

     “I’m sorry I never noticed,” I say softly, squeezing Jade tight. 

     “It’s alright. I’ve had a long time to get over it,” she says with a rueful smile. 

     “Is it hard still, when I- when I come over here, and talk about Pez? I’m sorry, Jade, I should’ve been more considerate, I-”

     “Don’t worry about it, Jes. It’s not so hard anymore,” she says, trying to form a smile. “I have to admit, when I found out you were falling for a girl- another band member, nonetheless- and it wasn’t me, I was a little hurt. But, I’ve had time to heal. Plus, the older we get, the more I realized it could never have worked between us. We’re too alike in all the wrong ways. Makes us great friends, but we would be shitty lovers,” she says with a laugh. “We’re… comfortable. Which is lovely, for friends. But a relationship needs passion.”

     “I’m still sorry, Jadey,” I say, planting a kiss to her forehead, before freezing up. “Does this make it worse?”

     “Not anymore, Jes. Truly,” she tells me, and I mostly believe her. “I’m happy with where I am, who I’m with. I think the reason I was so attracted to you was you were off limits, you were the ungettable. I realize that now, realize that nothing could’ve worked between us. Well, besides this,” she says, gesturing to the two of us. 

     “You’re my best friend,” I tell her honestly. 

     “I know. And I’m happy with that,” she says, and I believe her. 

     “You know,” I say bumping my hip against hers, “I have always wondered what it would be like to kiss you and your pouty lip-”

     “And that’s how we get in trouble, dearest Jesminda,” she says with a laugh, halfheartedly pushing me away. “Really, though. You’re in love with Pez, obviously, even more obviously than I was in love with you. But the way I catch Perrie looking at you sometimes… you never looked back at me like that. And trust me, I was watching.”

     I laugh at the funny affect she takes. “Are there any other secrets I don’t know about you, Jade?” 

     “Hmmm… I really don’t like bows all that much,” she says.

     “What?” I ask, laughing. 

     “Well, I wore one that one day, and then it was my symbol, and I couldn’t get away from it,” she says with a laugh. “So I just went with it.”

     I just laugh and shake my head. “Well, alright then.”

     She laughs with me, and then gives me one last tight squeeze before she lets me go. “Now, what are you gonna do about Pez?”

     “I’m gonna go tell her. Now.” I say, obviously nervous, but also set in my convictions. 

     “I’m proud of ya,” Jade says, giving me an encouraging nod. “Now, go get her.”

     I peck a quick kiss to Jade’s cheek and then quickly leave the room, trying to get down the hall to Perrie’s room before I completely lose my confidence. 

     I rap on the door three times before I can think better of it. 

     “Hey,” Perrie says, smiling softly at me. “Are you alright?”

     I nod my head, suddenly unable to speak. 

     “You sure? You look… nervous?” she says, her voice lilting up at the end like she’s just asked a question. 

     I just stand there, idiot that I am. 

     “I was just gettin’ ready to head to the gym on the second floor. Do you want to come?”

      I nod again. “Sure,” I manage. 

     “Alright,” she says. Just then, the bathroom door opens behind her and a boy that’s vaguely familiar walks out. 

     “Oh, hey Jesy,” he says, and I recognize him as one of our American radio affiliates. 

     “Hi,” I say, my throat suddenly tight as I take in the casual way he wanders the room, the fact that his shirt’s not all the way buttoned. 

     “Perrie, will I be seeing you tomorrow?” He asks easily, though it’s clear from the way he anticipates her answer that he’s in deeper than he’s trying to seem.

     “We’ll see,” she answers cooly, giving him a wink. 

     He runs a hand through his hair, plucking his phone from the nightstand and doing up the last couple buttons on his shirt. “Alright, well. Enjoy the gym.”

     “Will do, babe,” she says with a naughty smile, pulling him down for a casual kiss on the cheek as he walks up to us. “Later.”

     “Later,” he says, though we all know from Perrie’s tone that he won’t be back.

     I sort of feel bad for him. I know the look on his face. I see it every time I look in the mirror. 

     “Shall we go to the gym, then?” Perrie asks nonchalantly,  as if the disheveled man who just wandered from her room is no big deal, and doesn't warrant a discussion. 

     “Sure,” I reply, not knowing what else to say. 

     I hit the treadmill as soon as we get there, needing desperately to run from my problems, even if the running will take me nowhere. 

      I ratchet the speed up quickly, going faster and faster until my legs are burning, and I can’t suck in a breath deep enough for it to really hit me. 

     I hit the “cool down” button when I start to get dizzy, and the little mph bar steadily drops from 11 to 0 over the course of a minute or two. 

     As soon as I start to catch my breath, I feel Perrie’s hand on my shoulder.

     I’d startle, but I’m too exhausted. 

     “You’re all sweaty,” she says, stoking a hand across my sweat-slick shoulder and collar bone, tracing my skin until she reaches the little tattoo near my ear. “I like it when you’re sweaty.”

     I try to keep myself from being affected by her presence, but the way she’s looking at me makes it impossible.

     “I’m gonna go take a shower,” I say. “I’m finished working out.”

     “Me too,” she says, though she’s hardly worked up a sweat. “I’ll walk you to your room.”

     “Alright,” I say, though I am most definitely not alright. 

     We walk back to my hotel room in near silence, my still-a-little-heavier-than-normal breathing the closest we get to a conversation. 

     I open my door wordlessly, then turn to say goodbye to Perrie so I can go cry in the shower, get massively drunk, and maybe go back to Jade’s room. 

     Perrie seems to have a different plan though, as she throws me up against the wall as soon as I’ve properly stepped into my room, and begins kissing my neck aggressively. 

     Normally, I would welcome this sort of thing, but I’m too emotionally drained from this afternoon to even entertain the idea of sex with Perrie. 

     “Pez,” I say, pushing softly at her shoulder. 

     She carries on, dragging her teeth across my pulse point as she grips possessively at my sweat-slick abdomen.

     I moan involuntarily before I push her away again, harder this time. “Perrie!” 

     She backs off quickly, looking more than a little shocked. 

     “I’m not in the mood,” is all I answer in return, pointedly avoiding her gaze. 

     “Jes,” she says, letting her arms wrap around my waist as she tries to meet my gaze. I keep my eyes locked on the floor. 

     “Jesy, c’mon,” she says, using her hand to bring my chin level with hers, forcing my gaze to meet her own. “What’s going on?”

     “I can’t- I can’t keep...” I say so softly I can barely hear myself. I try to say it louder, but the tightness in my throat won’t allow it. 

     “What’s wrong?” She asks, clearly more than a little shocked by my shiny, watery eyes. 

     “I’m in love with you!” I blurt, slapping a hand over my mouth as soon as I realize what I’ve said. 

     Her gaze goes from confused to shock in less than a second. 

     “Jes, I-”

     “Please, Perrie, forget I said anything.” I plead. “It’s stupid.”

     She looks equal parts confused and hurt as I rush from the room and back to the gym.

     “Jesy, wait!” She says. I take off at a run. I’m loads faster than Perrie, and so I elect to sprint down the stairs instead of taking the elevator, hoping she won’t work out where I’m going. 

     It doesn’t work, though, as she’s waiting just outside the entrance, panting a bit herself, when I arrive. I take off running again as soon as I see her, not even sure I know where I’m going. 

     Perrie has a leg up on me, because I’m worn out from my run and from the events of the day, and she manages to catch me in the stairwell when I hesitate between going up or down. 

     I’ve just decided on up when Perrie’s arms wrap tightly around my waist, pulling me to her. 

     I’m aware that I’m behaving very childishly about this whole thing, but my fight or flight is in overdrive mode, and the only thought my brain can process is  _ get away get away get away _ . 

     “Jes, calm down,” Perrie says into my ear, surprising me with her strength as she keeps me locked against her. “It’s just me, I just wanna talk.”

     At her softly spoken words, I feel all the fight leave me. I let my body sag from the weight of the whole situation, and Perrie lets me slump against her. 

     She keeps hold of me and murmurs soft, quiet things as she props the two of us so we’re sitting against the wall. She grasps my hand tight and murmurs into my temple until my breathing starts to slow. Once I can breathe, the tears start to flow. 

     “Perrie,” I murmur, unsure of what’s happening. She looks up at me, keeping her glassy blue eyes locked on mine, and starts taking deep breaths in and out. The sharp noise in my ears makes it impossible for me to hear her, but eventually I work out that she means for me to mimic her breathing. I keep a tight squeeze on both of Perrie’s hands as I do, and as my breathing slows, the sharp noise gets progressively quieter, until my thoughts are just a low hum on the backburner of my mind. 

     “What’s happening to me?” I ask her, leaning my head onto her shoulder.

     “I think it was a panic attack, Love,” she tells me, pressing gentle kisses to my temple. “That’s sort of what mine look like, albeit with less running,” she says. 

     I want to laugh, but nothing comes out.

     “Why did that happen?” I ask.

     “I think, um, I think I might’ve set you off.”

     “How?”

     “Well, could’ve been the groping,” she says with a wrinkle of the nose, and I manage a little smile this time. “Or, could be my, um, just my presence, given your little… revelation.”

     “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I say resolutely, feeling my body tense again.

     “We don’t have to,” she coos, wrapping her arms around me tighter. “We can just be in this moment, right now. And talk about something else.”

     “Okay,” I say, wracking my brain for absolutely anything else to speak about. 

     “Jade told me she used to fancy me today,” I say evenly.

     “Jade?  _ Our _ Jade? Jade  _ Thirlwall _ , Jade?” She asks, and I manage a nod. 

     “Huh. So three of the four of us are at least a little gay, then?” Perrie says, about as surprised as I expected she would be. I mean, I’ve always thought Jade was a little gay, just not for  _ me _ . Perrie probably thought the same. 

     “We could be 4 for 4, like Wendy’s, but I don’t think Leigh will go for it,” I say. I look to Perrie, unsure as to why I’ve just said what I did, and she looks just as confused as I feel. After a few seconds, she breaks up laughing, and I can’t help but join her. 

     Somehow, our foreheads end up together, and then I’m looking into Perrie’s eyes, and that’s no good. How am I supposed to sort out my thoughts when all I can see is soft blue perfection? 

     Honestly, Perrie’s got the kind of eyes that love songs are written for. I’ve written several, but I tend to keep them to myself. Can’t let the girls know I’m actually the poetic type. Especially about Perrie, because that would be d-

     “Jesy?” Perrie says softly, pulling me from my thoughts. 

     “Hmm?” I answer, doing my best to put some space between us. Just a little, though. 

     “Where’d you go?” she asks, stroking my face with gentle fingers. 

     “I don’t want to talk about it,” I say, before I can think better of it. Perrie has to know I’m thinking of her when I respond like that.

     “Oh,” she says, a knowing look in her eye. “What if I want to talk about it? You don’t have to. I just want to tell you some things.”

     I haven’t even had time to reply yet when Perrie makes the decision for me, plowing through to what she has to say. 

     “I like you, Jes. A lot. Not just... _ sexually _ , but  _ romantically _ . Like, I _ like _ like you. I fancy you so much. And I have for a while, I just-” 

     She cuts off, surely seeing the look of bewilderment and hope on my face. 

     “You just what?” I prompt gently, refusing to allow this moment to slip away. It’s make or break, and either way, I need to know. 

     “I love you too,” she says reluctantly, as if she doesn’t want the secret to spill out. 

     “For how long?” 

     “Huh?” she questions.

     “For how long?

     “Uh, well. Around the end of the  _ Get Weird _ Era, maybe? Not sure when it started, exactly, but by the  _ Glory Days _ tour, I was a goner. I thought that all you wanted was a bit of casual sex, and I figured that was better than nothing, so. I- uh, I started sleeping around, so that you wouldn’t think I was falling in love, but I WAS falling in love. I was, or, I  _ am _ , I guess. I’ve just been waiting for you to fall with me. 

     “Oh,” I say lamely, unsure of what else to say. 

     “Oh?” Perrie says, looking a healthy combination of confused and amused. 

     “It’s- um, well. This is just not how I saw my day going. It’s a lot for one day, you know?” I say honestly, leaning my cheek against hers. 

     “It has been quite the day, huh? Or, quite the last hour, really,” Perrie says with a grin, before her face falls a bit. “Can I tell you something?”

     “Always,” I say easily, my nervousness gone now that I know how Perrie feels. I wrap an arm around one of Perrie’s where it’s wrapped around me and let out a sigh, getting as close to her as I possibly can. I move my head to lean on her, and she presses a kiss to my temple before she leans her head on mine. 

     “I invited Jo over just to try and make you jealous.”

     I laugh a bit, twining my fingers with hers. “It made me more sad than anything,” I reveal truthfully. 

     “I’m sorry,” Perrie whispers, sounding truly remorseful. “I-”

     “It’s alright,” I say, tilting my head up to give her a soft kiss. “It’s in the past now, yeah? No more trying to make me jealous?”

     “Well, I was just doing whatever I could to get you to sleep with me, but I suppose now that we’re together you’re sort of ob-”

     “Together?” I ask softly.

     “I mean, yeah. I’d kinda hoped- you know, with the mutual declaration of love and all- if you want? I’d like to try. Us together, I mean. Like, for real this time,” she bumbles. “No more hiding.”

     “I’d- um. I’d love that,” I say, feeling all soft and mushy and so  _ relieved.  _

     “Yeah?” she asks, face all bright and sunshiney. I’m ready to cry again, though this time, it looks like Perrie might join me. 

     “Yeah.” I answer resolutely, brushing her nose with mine. 

     I can feel her smile as she leans in, kissing me soundly. 

     I mean for it to stop there, I really do, but somehow, my tongue sneaks it’s way out of my mouth. 

     I don’t realize I’m on Perrie’s lap with my legs wrapped around her waist and her hands on my bum until I hear a shocked gasp followed by something tumbling down the stairs. 

     I quickly detach my lips from Perrie’s but curl into her, as the noise has given me quite the fright. I feel Perrie’s hands grip me tighter before they relax a bit, her arms coming to rest around my waist instead. 

     Leigh finishes her walk down the stairs shortly after, eyes wide and earbuds still in her hand. 

     I notice her phone about a foot from my leg, and I quickly grab it and hold it up for her to come get, never leaving my spot on Perrie’s lap. 

     She shuffles over to me quickly, looking anywhere but the two of us, before Perrie and I bust up laughing. 

     Leigh gives me a nervous smile. “Have I missed something?”

     “Perhaps,” Perrie says, giving her a grin. 

     “I was on my way to Jade’s. Do yous want to come with me to her room, and we can- um, talk?”

     “Sure, Leigh,” I say, moving up off of Perrie. 

     She refuses to let me go without another quick kiss, and I pretend to be put off by it, even adding a playful roll of the eyes for effect, but really I’m thrilled. 

     I pull her up by the hand once I’m on my feet, and I’m beside myself with happiness when she doesn’t let go, even after she’s found her balance. 

     I know I must be a sight, what with the panic and lovesickness I’ve felt today and the general fluttery feeling I’m currently experiencing, but I don’t care. I’ve finally got the one person I’ve always wanted, and it feels wonderful. 

     “Um, I think it’s this way,” Leigh says, breaking Perrie and I from out heart-eyed staring contest and leading us toward Jade’s room. 

     When we knock on the door hand in hand, Jade looks genuinely proud. 

     She wears a similar look of pride when I walk down the aisle four years later, crying all the way. That same pride seems to be multiplied exponentially when we introduce her to baby Lily Grace Edwards two years after that. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Alright, here is the Jadesy/Pesy one shot, as promised! It was the winner of yesterday's contest by a landslide. I hope you enjoyed it!   
> The contest is still happening! Like I said, I'm posting daily through Friday. Here are your options to vote between:  
> 1) A Pesy baby one shot  
> 2) Alerresy smut (it's mostly Pesy, but then again, so is basically everything I write:)   
> 3) Surprise me🌝  
> Please vote here in the comments or send me a message, either here or on Tumblr! (@16sydd16) Anything works!  
> Also, please let me know what you thought of this one shot!! Would you like to see me explore some other ships a bit? I have a particular fondness for Jadesy, but they just seem so friendly to me.   
> If you have one shot prompts, send 'em my way! I'd be happy to take a look at 'em:)  
> Are you enjoying this whole me posting every day thing? Or is it too much?   
> Thanks again to all of you who have commented/left kudos!! You guys make me so happy!! I love to write, but I especially love to write stuff I know you love to read:)   
> The voting period will be a bit shorter for this next one shot, just because I got home kinda late today, so I got this out kinda late. So, vote vote vote as quick as you can!😉  
> Please vote, comment, leave kudos, or follow, if you'd like:)  
> Thanks for your continued support! It means so much to me, genuinely💛  
> see you guys tomorrow with the next winning one shot!  
> xx  
> sydd  
> Tumblr @16sydd16


	8. baby, baby, come and save me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesy is a waitress at a local diner, and Perrie has a hankering for eggs.  
> And Jesy.  
> ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The baby one shot was the winner!   
> Enjoy!  
> xx

     “Jesy, table 4 needs their eggs!” Bert yells, giving me a smile as I rush out of the kitchen, baby in one hand and eggs in the other. 

     “Egg!” Elle chants, pumping her tiny fists up and down, laughing as I rush to table 4. 

     I smile, laying the eggs on the table. 

     “Egg!” she chants again, pointing at the eggs this time. 

     “Yes, eggs,” I say with a laugh. “Won’t say mum, but you’ll say egg, eh?” 

     “Egg! Egg egg egg!” she chants, looking first at me and then the patrons at the table. 

     Or, patron, I should say. 

     “Egg.” She says to the blonde woman who is sipping her tea, before she makes a grab for a fistful of platinum hair.

     “No you don’t,” I say sweetly, transferring her to my other arm and out of reach of the blonde woman, who looks a little startled. 

     “Sorry, she’s very… friendly?” I say, not sure if that’s the right word. “Also, she’s partial to blondes, just like her mum,” I say, shooting the woman a wink. 

     “Mum!” She yells at me. 

     “Ah, there we go!” I cheer with a smile. “Mum,” I say, trying to prompt her to say it again. 

     “Egg!” she chants, laughing at me. 

     “You little bugger, getting my hopes up like that,” I say, scrunching my nose at her. She scrunches right back, laughing at me some more and flashing her four baby teeth. 

      “Sorry,” I offer, glancing up again at the pretty blonde at the table. Luckily, she seems amused, not upset.

     “No, it’s alright,” she says, giving me a big smile. “My mornings are not usually this… cute.”

     “Ah, well, you’ve gotta love babies,” I say. 

     “I wasn’t talking about her, but yeah, she’s cute too,” she says, winking at me. “Perrie.”

     “Jesy,” I say in return, shaking her outstretched hand. “And this is Elle. Or Ellie, Ella. Egg.” I say, scrunching my nose at the baby, who laughs and scrunches right back. It’s her favorite facial expression right now. “She’ll respond to anything starting with E.”

     “Good to know,” Perrie says. “Good morning, Elle.”

     “Egg.” Elle says in reply. “Egg, egg.”

     “This child is going to be the death of me,” I groan. 

     Elle sticks her tongue out.

     Perrie laughs. “What a way to go, eh?”

     “Indeed,” I say with a smile. “Can I get you anything else?” 

     Perrie shakes her head with a smile, which I return, before going to check on my other three tables. 

 

     I’d never noticed Perrie before, but I notice her now, as she comes in every morning this week. 

     We chat amicably each time she’s here, talking about few things of substance and flirting a lot. 

     I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed when she doesn’t come in the following Monday. I think Elle’s a little sad too, as she grumbles something that sort of sounds like Perrie’s name several times throughout the breakfast rush. 

     Elle’s in a right foul mood Tuesday, grumbling and whining all morning, and I’m getting a little miffed myself. Not at the baby, but just at the general atmosphere. There’s a grumpy old man that’s been sitting in my section 2 hours, and I could tell the moment he walked in that he wasn’t going to tip. Couple that with the grill breaking down twice and the distinct lack of Perrie, and I’m ready to go home before my shift is even half over. 

     “Peeeeee!” Elle shouts. “Peee, Peee.”

     “What are you on about?” I ask. 

     “Egg,” she says dryly. This child got all of my sass, I swear. “Peeeeeee.” She points toward the door, as if she can’t comprehend how massively stupid I am. 

     “Oh, _ Perrie _ ,” I say, suddenly understanding. 

     I watch her seat herself at her little corner booth before she ever looks up. When she does look up, I want to believe she’s looking for me, but I try to keep a lid on those thoughts for now. 

     No need to torture myself.

     Elle squeals as I drop drinks off at table 7 and then head to table 4, where Perrie sits. Where she always sits. The table that I, in my head, call “Perrie’s table” even when she’s not here. 

     “Well hey there, stranger,” I say with a smile once I reach her table. 

     “Hiya,” she says softly. 

     “Pppppppppp,” Elle gurgles, effectively ruining mine and Perrie’s little moment in which we stare into each other’s eyes and I fall hopelessly in love with a woman I barely know. 

     “Hello, Elle Belle,” Perrie coos, smiling softly at Elle. Elle makes a jump towards Perrie, and I barely manage to keep her in my arms. 

     “Careful there, cowgirl,” I say, making a popping noise with my mouth that at one point was meant to sound like a gun but now just sounds more like a true “pop” because that’s what Elle prefers. 

     She pops her mouth back at me before pointing at Perrie and whining. 

     “Egg,” I say in reply, and she scowls at me. 

     Perrie can’t help but laugh at the stand-off I’m having with my 11 month old, who is getting heavier by the day. It’s not even 9am, and my arm is already tired. 

     “Peeeeeeee,” Elle whines at me, putting her chubby baby hands on either side of my face and squeezing, before removing them and pointing at Perrie again. 

     I glare at her, ‘cos we both know she’s winning this little standoff, when Perrie speaks up. 

     “Y’know, Jesy, she can eat breakfast with me. If it’s alright with you,” she says, as if it would be anything other than alright. 

     In any other circumstance with any other person, it probably wouldn’t be alright, but somehow everything’s alright with Perrie. I’d take a bullet for Perrie. 

     And I’ve known her a week. 

     I need to cool my jets.

     Oof. 

     I can tell Elle is fond of the idea of eating breakfast with Perrie by the way she’s trying to launch herself out of my arms. 

     “Are you sure it’s alright with you?” I ask.

     “I wouldn't have offered if it wasn’t,” she says with a smile, and I know she’s telling me the truth. 

     “Alright then,” I say, handing Elle over. 

     Elle squeals, and then immediately cuddles into Perrie. 

     Little shit. 

     “Well, I’m gonna go take 7’s order and pick up 6’s check. I’ll be back in a Jiffy,” I say with a smile.

     “We’ll be here,” Perrie says, gently stroking Elle’s back. 

     I swear Elle smirks up at me. 

     By the time I come back, Perrie’s tea in hand (2 sugars, a teaspoon of milk), Elle is talking her ear off with happy baby gurgles and little yells, throwing her hands out here and there to help drive her point home. 

     “She’s quite the chatterbox,” I say, sliding into the booth across from Perrie.

     “Ah, I don’t mind. I’m a good listener,” she says with a grin.

     “Yuh,” Elle says in agreement. 

     “She’s a very good communicator,” Perrie says. “How old is she?”

     “One next month,” I say, feeling pride at Perrie’s compliment. It’s nice to know I’m doing something right. 

     “She’s even more advanced than I thought, then. Most of the kids at the facility where I work aren’t this communicative until they’re about 18 months, some even closer to 2.”

     “Do you work with children, then?” I ask, wondering how she knows so much.

     “Yeah. My friend Leigh runs a daycare. I’m one of the “teachers.” That’s why I didn’t come in yesterday, I drew the  _ early- _ early shift.”

     “I’m sorry! You probably don’t want to be watching kids for free in your off time. I can take her ba-”

     “Really Jes, I don’t mind. She’s quite a happy little thing. Plus, the more I see her, the more I see you,” she says with a wink. 

     “Well, in that case, you can keep her,” I say with a grin. 

     She laughs. “Hmm, I don’t know how she’d feel about that, eh Elle?”

     Elle shrugs, and I bark out a laugh. 

     “Maybe I can just get your number instead? See more of the both of you,” she asks, suddenly shy. 

     “I’d like that,” I say quickly. “I mean, we’d like that,” I say, and Elle coos in response. 

     “Brilliant,” Perrie says. 

\---

 

     We leave Elle with Leigh-Anne, Perrie’s friend, who has excellent references. Upon entering, I can see that her home is perfectly set up for children, and Elle takes to her immediately, fascinated by her wiry black curls. 

     I make sure to thank Leigh Anne and pretend not to notice the wink she throws Perrie when she mentions that she’s  _ got no plans until midmorning tomorrow, so don’t feel the need to hurry home.  _

     Perrie glares at her initially  but smiles as I hand Leigh Elle’s bag, and then we’re off. 

 

\---

 

     I wake up to silence and a face full of blonde hair. I peck a kiss to Perrie’s cheek quickly, hurrying the kitchen to put the kettle on. 

     I’m just grabbing the milk from the fridge when two pale arms wrap their way around my waist. A kiss lands on my cheek next, along with a  _ good morning, Love _ .

     “Mornin’,” I say, unable to keep the grin off my face. Perrie’s proper smiley as well, the little dimple on the left side of her face popping out as she beams at me. 

     Perrie hangs on me as I continue to prepare our tea, but I don’t mind. I like having her close. 

     “So, is it a tea for breakfast kinda day?” she asks. 

     I laugh. “Well, I already know how you take your tea, so I figured that was a good place to start. And unless you take your eggs burned, which I know you don’t, we better go out for a bit of breakfast. Maybe pick Elle up on the way?” I ask, hoping it’s alright. I mean, Perrie knew what she was getting into when she met me, as she met Elle then too, but knowing and living are two very different things.   

     “Sounds perfect,” she says, smacking a kiss to my cheek before backing off of me a bit. I whine involuntarily at the loss of contact, so Perrie gives me a grin that melts my heart. 

     I finish with the tea and hand her hers, to which she responds with a quiet “thank you, baby,” which makes my heart do that flip-floppy thing that lets me know I’m falling hard. 

     We sip our tea leaning on the counter and on one another, Perrie’s arm sneaking its way under my robe to wrap its way around my bare waist. She hums contentedly once skin meets skin, and I cuddle up to her happily. 

     “Can I tell you a secret?” she asks, looking mostly gleeful and a little guilty. 

     “Sure,” I respond, hoping she’ll spill the beans before my mind can run wild with ideas. 

     “I don’t even really like eggs,” she says. 

     “What? You get them every day!” I reply, shocked. 

     “I get ‘em for elle bell. So you’s will come over and talk to me. It’s all one big ploy, really-”

     “To get me to sleep with you?” I ask, pretending to be shocked and appalled. “You little- ep!” 

     Perrie grabs me suddenly, spinning me around and dipping me as if we’d just finished a tango, not our morning tea.

     “You could’ve just done this,” I say, staring straight into her big blue eyes. 

     “To get you to sleep with me?” she asks, smiling. 

     I nod.

     “While I am a big fan of sleeping with you- in the sense that I like sleeping with you snuggled in my arms AND in the sense that your body is  _ crazy _ and it’s hard for me not to put my hands all over it at any given moment-” She says, righting me but pulling me even closer,”- I’m playing the long game here, babe.” 

     “Oh yeah?” I ask, feeling proper gooey and lovey dovey both from Perrie’s words and the way she’s looking at me. 

     “Yeah,” she says, shooting me an impossibly sunny smile before pulling me in for a soft, lingering kiss. 

     “Alright, let’s go get the baby,” she says, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door, either unaware or unbothered by the fact that we’re still in our pajamas. “I want pancakes.”

     “Can we go after I put on some pants?” I ask, crinkling my nose at her. 

     “Dammit, I was hoping you’d forgotten about the pants thing,” she says goofily, snapping her fingers.

     “Nice try,” I say, using the hand connected to mine to pull her closer to me. “I could wear tights?”

     “Wow, I didn’t know I was dating a genius,” Perrie says, backing me up against the bar and grabbing at my bum with two firm hands. 

     I let loose a little yelp that is muffled by her lips on mine, things quickly getting hot and heavy between us. 

     Perrie’s sucking what’s sure to be a  _ very _ purple hickey into my neck when a phone call breaks us apart. 

     “Hello?” I say breathily. 

     It’s Leigh Anne on the other line, calling to ask when we’d like to come get Elle. I start to apologize but she begs me off, assuring me that they had a lovely night and that Elle was a little doll. She asks after Perrie, who is busy pecking soft kisses on my face and neck.

     I can’t help the wide grin that stretches across my face as I tell Leigh that  _ I think she’s well _ ,  _ thanks _ , unable to remember a time I’ve been so happy in a relationship. 

     She smiles right back at me before pulling away, mumbling something about getting her keys. 

     I tell Leigh  _ we’ll be over in about 45 minutes, if that’s alright… cos we need to get ready _ , which leaves me to deal with a confused look from Perrie and a knowing tone from Leigh. 

     Leigh ends the call with a loud laugh followed by a _see you then._

     As soon as the call drops, I press a hard kiss to Perrie’s face before grabbing her hand and quickly pulling her back to my bedroom. 

     She gets the idea. 

\---

     We end up at Leigh’s exactly 47 minutes later, Perrie dressed in my clothes and hair still all sorts of mussed. 

     Leigh shoots Perrie a look I pretend not to see as I greet Elle, who is much more excited to see Perrie than she is me. 

     “Peeeee!” She yells, quickly throwing her arms out in Perrie’s direction. Perrie takes her from me happily, and I grab her things as we wish Leigh goodbye and she tells Perrie to  _ call me later.  _

     We arrive at our favorite breakfast place shortly after, all of us squeezed together on the left side of Perrie’s table. 

     Perrie orders pancakes this time. With a side of scrambled eggs for Elle, of course, who sits on Perrie’s lap and eats happily. 

     “Egg,” Elle says conversationally, pointing at the plate and then at Perrie. 

     “Egg,” I reply. 

     I couldn’t agree more. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello! I'm going to keep this brief because it's nearly midnight and I want to get this out while it's still today!   
> I am so so SO sick right now, and I had a BUSY day on top of that. But, I said I'd post every day, so here's the one shot, as promised!!  
> There isn't going to be a vote today, but you'll still be getting content tomorrow! I just haven't decided what yet🤔  
> Thank you all so much for your support this week and always!!   
> Even though there's no vote today, I hope you guys still comment/leave kudos on the one shot itself!!   
> also, give me a follow, if you'd like! I'd like😉  
> See y'all tomorrow with the next one!   
> xx  
> sydd  
> Tumblr @16sydd16


	9. This night, I'm never letting go of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a cute one. We love friends that are more than friends😉

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from "If I get my way" by Little Mix.  
> Unedited. soz. It's that kinda day.  
> enjoy!  
> xx

 

     “Do you wanna go grab a drink? At the bar maybe? I’d love to keep talking,” he says, giving me a wink. 

     “We can talk here,” I say easily, not sold on the idea of the two of us alone. Plus, it always does well to play a bit hard to get. 

     “I’d love to, ah, get to know you. You know, just you,” he says, not so slyly gesturing to Jesy, who’s hand is loosely knotted with mine. She doesn’t seem to be paying much attention to our conversation, busy fiddling with the straw in her drink. I know something’s up, but I also know better than to press it in a loud, crowded club. 

     “I think I’m gonna call it an early night, actually,” I say, loud enough to grab Jesy’s attention. “Thank you, though. Maybe I’ll take you up on that drink some other time?” I offer, not wanting to seem rude. 

     “Sure, sure,” he says, clearly sensing that my mood has changed a bit. “Can I get your number, or? Is there a better way to reach you?”

     “Umm, I’m pretty good about checking my DMs on Instagram,” I tell him with a cheeky grin. He seems nice, it’s just that now’s not the time. 

     “Cool,” he says, smiling in return. “Get home safe, and I’ll hit you up later? I’m @jaythree23, by the way. I’ll send you three green hearts, so you know it’s me,” he says with a wink, and then he walks away. 

     Jesy has clearly lost what little interest she had in our conversation, as she’s back to fiddling with the straw in her drink.

     “Jes,” I say, gripping her hand tighter in mine. 

     “Huh?” She answers, giving me a tired smile. “Sorry, I was in a world of me own.”

     “That’s alright, love. Are you ready to go home?” I ask

     “Definitely,” she says, looking instantly revlied. She tenses. “Wait, are you staying here?”

     “No, baby. I’m going home too,” I tell her. I briefly wonder if calling Jesy baby is too much. Oh well. Too late now. 

     “Oh. Can I come? To your house, I mean?” She asks, looking frightened, which throws me. Jesy isn’t one that feels fright very often, and especially over things that are really not all that scary. Like asking to stay at mine, for example.

     “Sure, Love,” I say. “I was kinda planning on it,” I tell her, and she relaxes. 

     “Oh, alright. Have you called the car?” She asks, really ready to go. 

     “They’ll be here in 4 minutes.”

     “Perfect. Just enough time to say our goodbyes.”

     So we do, letting Leigh and Jade know we’re on our way out. Jesy keeps hold of my hand throughout our goodbyes, which is not totally out of the ordinary, but not exactly  _ within _ it either. 

     Eventually, we reach the car, and both of us climb in the back. I slide all the way across the seats, assuming Jesy will take the seat on the other side. Instead, she slides over until she’s practically on top of me. She’s not so close that it’s uncomfortable, because things aren’t ever really uncomfortable between us, but she is proper close. 

     “Y’alright there, Jes?” I ask, to which she replies “Mostly, I think. I’m, um. Do you mind if I’m a bit clingy tonight? I don’t want to be alone. (without you)

     “‘Course not,” I say, and I mean it. I love being clingy, especially with Jesy. 

_ Wait, where’d that come from? _

     “Alright,” she says, nuzzling her head so that it rests on my neck and shoulder. 

     I press a soft kiss to her forehead, more than a little surprised by the tiny sigh that leaves her lips when I do. 

     She stays leaned up against me the whole car ride, and even unclicks my seatbelt for me when we reach my house so that I don’t have an excuse to let go of her hand. 

     I’m eager to put a little bit of distance between us once we get to my house, just enough to clear my head, but Jesy doesn’t seem keen on letting me out of her grasp, much less her sight. 

     “Do you wanna borrow some pjs?” I ask. 

     She shakes her head, as if to clear it, before responding with a nod. 

     “C’mon then,” I say, dragging her toward my room by the hand that I’ve been holding since we were at the club.

     We ascend the stairs quietly, Jesy keeping up her pattern of no words and all actions, before turning into my room, which is the second door on the right. 

     I pull open my top drawer as well as the one under it, fishing out a pair of socks for Jes from the former and a big t-shirt for each of us from the latter. 

     “Here you go, Love,” I say softly, gently shaking Jesy’s arm to get her attention. Her eyes meet mine for a moment before she notices the clothes in my hand. She smiles when I hand her the socks. 

     “You remembered,” she says in a way that breaks my heart. 

     “I remember a lot about you, believe it or not,” I say, shooting her a soft smile of my own. I watch her eyes dart down to my lips briefly before they flick back up. “I’m not as dozy as I seem.”

     “I don’t think you’re dozy,” she says seriously, and it worries me. Jes loves to poke fun, and usually jumps at the opportunity to rib me any way she can. Never in a mean way, of course, but it’s just how she shows her love. She’s got two brothers and a sister, after all. 

     “Thank you, baba,” I say, deciding that we definitely need to have a talk tonight. We can have it later, though, after we change and wash all our makeup off. “Do you want to grab a shower, or just get changed? I think I’m too tired for a shower tonight.”

     “Me too,” she says, that tinge of fear returning to her eyes. 

     “Shall we get changed, then?” I ask. 

     She nods, letting my hand go before stripping off right in front of me. 

     This isn’t exactly unusual, but it’s not exactly normal either. 

     Not wanting to upset her, I do the same, quickly stripping off my club outfit, with a little help from Jes. 

     “Good thing you came home with me,” I say as I turn around, exposing the zipper. 

     “Yeah, good thing,” Jesy says, slowly pulling the zipper down my back, letting her hand skim along my skin as she does. 

     I feel goosebumps break out where her skin meet mine, and I twitch just a bit from how unexpectedly good her warm, soft hands feel. 

     I let out a little sigh involuntarily when she pulls away, then make quick work of stripping off my outfit and throwing on my t-shirt. 

     Jesy’s just pulling her second sock on when I turn around. She grabs for my hand again once she finishes, before that nervous look takes over her features again and she pulls it away, looking up at me.

     I just smile and grab her hand, her left in my right, and lead her into my bathroom. 

     I grab a toothbrush out of the extras drawer and hand her a washcloth. 

     “Thanks,” she says, letting go of my hand briefly to put toothpaste on her toothbrush before handing me the tube. I quickly put a large glob on mine before throwing the tube back on the counter and taking her hand in mine again, flipping the sink on so I can wet my brush. 

     We run into a bit of a problem with the whole tooth-brushing thing, as we’ve currently got our dominant hands linked together. I’m not sure if you’ve ever tried brushing with your non-dominant hand, but it’s… less than efficient. 

     We meet each other’s eyes in the mirror and share a laugh before Jesy reluctantly lets go of my hand.

     I give her a quick wink before I go on the other side of her and grab her hand, her right and my left this time. 

     She smiles at me, the biggest grin I’ve gotten from her all night, before she sets about brushing her teeth. 

     We finish up at the sink quickly, our hands apart for maybe a minute and a half while we remove our makeup and wash our faces. 

     Jesy helps me take my extra tight ponytail down, and I sigh in relief when she snips the hairband. 

     I see her smile in the mirror, not so much at me but about me, and it makes me smile too. 

     She offers to run a brush through my hair and I accept. She takes her time- well, as much time as she can take, as my naturally thin, straight hair doesn’t put up much of a fight- even running her fingers through my hair after.

     I can’t help the moan that escapes when she scratches at my scalp. 

     “That feels really good,” I say when I hear her laugh. 

     “I’m glad,” she says, scratching along for a couple more minutes before she declares me done. 

     “Your turn,” I tell her. 

     “It’s alright, you don’t have to,” she says, waving me off. 

     “I want to,” I insist, motioning for her to turn around. 

     She does, handing me the brush and letting her own arms hang down in front of her. 

     After we take the accessories out I get to brushing. The brush glides through her silky hair pretty smoothly, catching on an odd bobby pin we missed or tuft of teased hair here and there, but it can’t take me more than a few minutes from start to finish. 

     I run my hands along her scalp when I’m done with the brush, trying to mimic what she did to my head, but I don’t think I’m very good at it. 

     I can’t help but give her hair the tinest tug when I’m finished, declaring her “All done.”

     “Thanks, Pezza,” she says, seeming the ittiest bit more relaxed when she turns around to face me.

     “No problem,” I tell her, admiring her bare face. I hold my hand out for her to grab and she does, leading us down the hallway to my room. 

     “I’m guessing I don’t need to make up the guest be-”

     “No.” She says quickly. “Um, not, uh, not unless you want me to sleep in the guest bedroom.”

     “I never want that,” I tell her, not sure why I said it but sure that it’s true. “You know I like to snuggle.”

     “Yeah,” she confirms quietly, and I can almost feel the relief roll off her. 

     We separate to climb into bed on our respective sides, me on the right and her on the left (if you’re looking at the bed- the opposite if you’re laying on it), only to scramble back together in the middle. 

     I immediately scoop her into my arms and she nuzzles her face into my neck, tangling her legs between mine, exhaling a big breath as she does. I busy myself tracing shapes onto her back, loving the way she relaxes into me more with every new shape. 

     The pull of sleep is tempting, but I know we need to talk first. I need to know what’s wrong.

     “Jes?” I ask, my throat already a little scratchy from being so close to sleep. 

     “Hmm?” she answers, sounding just as tired. 

     “Can we talk?” I ask, still tracing shapes. 

     “I think we better,” she says with a heavy sigh. “Can we just… lay like this another minute?”

     “Sure,” I say, squeezing her tight. I continue my gentle ministrations on her back for what is surely longer than a minute, but neither of us says anything for some time. 

     It’s Jes who finally breaks us apart, and I can tell that it’s hard for her. 

     “Jes?” I offer, missing her warmth more than I thought I would. 

     “Hmm?” She asks, trying to get settled into a sitting position next to me. 

     “I don’t- hmm.” I mumble, reaching my arms toward her before pulling away. 

     “What is it, Pezza?” she asks, tracing her thumb along the knuckles of the hand I didn’t even realize she was holding. 

     “I don’t like you not being all snuggled up against me,” I tell her softly, unsure of what to make of that. 

     I can see her smile clearly, though the lights in my room are only at about 30% brightness. They’re set to decrease over time once I hop into bed, so that my body is eased into sleep. 

     “Well, that’s any easy enough fix,” she says, crawling over so she’s in front of me. She gently places herself on my lap, facing me, and wraps her legs around my waist.

     When she leans in, I don’t know why, but I think she’s going to kiss me. 

     I’m a little disappointed when she bypasses my lips and just lays her head on my shoulder instead, but I try not to think about why. 

     “This okay?” Jesy asks in my ear, making me shiver. 

     “‘Course,” I say breathily, wrapping my arms tight around her. 

     She sighs when flex my arms a bit, squeezing her nice and tight before loosening them. 

     “Jes,” I say once we’ve been quiet for a little too long. 

     “Yeah, Pez?” She asks, lips almost,  _ almost _ brushing my neck. 

     “What’s going on with you?” I ask, trying my best to  _ not _ be driven crazy by the feel of her lips so close, yet not close enough. 

     “You’re tense,” she says instead, avoiding the subject.

     “Jesy,” I whine, “you’re avoiding.”

     “No, I’m not. Just delaying,” she says, pulling back to look me in the eyes. “I’ll tell you after you tell me. You’re very tense. Why?”

     “You’re very close,” I murmur, letting loose a little sigh as Jesy’s hands rub along my back. 

     “And  _ I _ make you tense?” she asks, and I can’t tell if she’s teasing me on purpose or if it’s just her naturally flirty nature.

     “ _ Yes, _ ” I groan, a little whine escaping through my teeth when she finally puts her lips on my neck, just under my ear, and gives me the smallest, softest kiss. 

     She pulls back even though I want more than anything for her to keep going. I try to think less about what this means for me, or for  _ us _ as friends, and just focus on the sensation. Then I realize that that’s the opposite of what I’m supposed to do, and quickly shake it off. 

     “Now, you tell me what’s wrong,” I insist, bringing my hands up to cradle her face, make sure her eyes stay locked on mine. 

     “I’m not totally sure,” she admits genuinely. “I’ve just-well. I’ve just been quite sad lately, unsettled about a lot of things, and the only thing that makes me feel even a little bit better is being close to you.” she says, and I can’t help the way my heart skips a little in my chest. 

     “It’s been okay while we’ve been touring, cause I see you everyday, get to touch you sometimes- hold your hand, sit next to you, things like that. But then tonight, you were chatting with that guy, and I realized that I don’t get to have you as much as I think I need to. I don’t get you in all the ways that I want. And, with it being the end of tour, I realized that I might not see you for a while, and I realized that I didn’t know how to cope with that,” she says, running a hand through my hair before leaning forward, her forehead on mine. “I’ve wanted to tell you for a little while, but I was afraid I’d scare you off. I don’t know what any of this means, Pezza, but I do know that the thought of falling asleep anywhere other than your arms tonight made me proper sick.”

     I just look at her for a minute, trying to take in all the information she’s just given me, and- 

     And then she kisses me. 

     The first peck is quite rushed, a test of sorts, but when she leans in again, I press my lips to hers eagerly. 

     My mind is freaking out, but my body knows exactly what to do. My arms pull Jesy impossibly closer, eventually coming to settle on her bum, pulling her hard against me. 

     She lets out a little shocked noise that turns into a moan soon enough. I take this as permission to go further, gently laying her out on the bed. She keeps her legs wrapped around my waist, and I pin her under me, kissing her fervently. 

     She pulls me down against her as close as I can get, the two of us pressed together. 

     I busy myself with sucking kisses into her neck, under her ear, and then at her collarbone. Her heavy breathing and tiny pants spur me on, and I want to spend the rest of my life making her make those little noises. 

     “Pez,” she groans, bucking her hips against me. 

     I pin her hips to the bed, needing to be the one in control, and she lets out a loud moan. 

     “Perrie,” she whines, drawing out the - _ ie  _ so that it sounds more like  _ -ieeeeee _ , and I can’t get enough. 

     I push her shirt up so it sits just below her bra, and press possessive kisses all over her abdomen, getting lower and lower with every pass. I’m not sure what’s come over me, but the way Jesy’s eyes are rolled into the back of her head tells me she doesn’t much mind. 

     “Jes,” I tease, my lips getting closer and closer to her panty line. “Jessica.”

     She doesn’t respond with anything but a pant, so I scrape my teeth along her hipbone, just hard enough to leave little red marks. 

     “Fuck, Perrie,” She says loudly, putting a hand on the back of my head. 

     “Yes, babe?” I ask, planting soft kisses to the scrapes I caused. 

     “Bloody hell,” she says, throwing an arm over her eyes. 

     I slip a finger under her panties, at the hip, and give them a tug so that she knows what I want. 

     She whimpers, before letting loose a groan and rolling out from under me. I’m a little surprised but I let her, not wanting to do anything she’s not comfortable doing. She scoots just far enough away that we’re not touching, and only then do I realize what I’ve done. 

     “Jes, I’m so-”

     “Please don’t say you’re sorry,” she tells me, still panting. I can hardly see her now, with the lights having dimmed over time, so I grab the remote on my bedside table and set them to stay at 35% brightness, so that I can see Jes properly. 

     “Okay. I’m not sorry, then.” I say, realizing how much I mean it. 

     “Good. Good,” she says, still trying to catch her breath, and it makes me smile. “I, um. Before we… go any further, I want to make sure we know where we stand. Or, that if we don’t know, we don’t know together. Does that make sense?”

     “Perfectly. I just know that I want you. You’re my best friend, and I love you, and also, I’d like to have you naked and writhing around under me,” I say candidly. 

     Jesy’s eyes nearly bulge out of her head, but she catches my smile and laughs. 

     “Alright, then. Sounds good to me,” she says. “As long as you’ll hold me after. I’m feeling quite clingy tonight, you know.”

     “Thank God for that,” I say with a laugh, and she responds in kind, coming back closer to me. I pull her in for a soft kiss once she’s near enough, before flipping her over to put her under me. I immediately resume my previous position, my mouth licking across her hipbone this time. 

     “Now,” I say, shooting my best friend a cheeky wink. “Where were we?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Heya guys!   
> So, here we are, the end of my "posting every day" week. It's been fun, and also a liiiittle stressful. But in a good way!🌝 So...  
> ...if enough of you guys want, I could be persuaded to extend it through tomorrow. Only if you're interested, that is. Let me know in the comments!!😉  
> I know you guys probably expected smut today, which is honestly what I was gonna post, but this idea popped into my head yesterday and I'm having a *lonely* weekend where I'm sad and sentimental and I couldn't get this idea out of my brain. So, this is what you got🤷🏼♀️ It's just pure fluff, cause that's what cheers me up✨I hope yous don't mind💙  
> What did you guys think of this one shot? Which one shot this week (or in this one shot book, I guess) is your favorite? Please please PLEASE let me know! I like to write stuff that I like, of course, but I'd like to write stuff you like too!!   
> Please leave kudos or comment if you feel like it!:)  
> Do you have a one shot request? Let me know! I think I'd like to do a contest where you guys submit prompts, and then I'll do little mini write ups for each prompt and you guys can vote on which one you like best! And then I'll shout out the winner when the finished one shot is posted. Is that something you guys would be interested in? If so, let me know! And submit your prompts here in the comments!   
> This one shot kinda unexpectedly hit me in the feels while I was writing it (it has basically no plot, it's just me being e m o ), so it would mean a lot if y'all would let me know what you think of this one💜  
> Okay, before I become a sentimental fool, I'm gonna cut this off. I think it's safe to say I'm really in my feelings tonight💖  
> Thank you for reading, and maybe I'll see you tomorrow! Let me know🌚  
> xx  
> sydd  
> tumblr @16sydd16


	10. "It's too hard, Jes."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So are we done, then?" She asks, cold.  
> It scares me, but it's better this way.  
> "Yeah, we're done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taylor Swift's Red (the song, not the album) is the mood for this chapter, just saying✨ Also, it's a little less happy than my one shots usually are, so if you're not in the mood for that, turn back now. It's a bit of a downer.  
> Okay, here we go💥

_November, 2017_

     "It's too hard, Jes," I say, my voice unusually devoid of emotion. It's the only way I can keep from bursting into tears, and I need to be strong right now.

     "Pezza, c'mon," Jesy pleads. "It's always been hard. If we can just stick it out a couple more years-"

     "I can't handle 'a couple more years!'" I spit angrily. "It's. Too. Hard."

     "But I love you! I am _in love_ with you. I've been in love with you since I was twenty-four. I'm not about to stop now, Perrie," she says with just as much fire.

     "I can't keep this all a secret anymore! I want to love you and be allowed to love you. I want to spend Christmas together and post snaps in bed and go on holiday with you! I don't want to hide anymore."

     "Let's not hide then," Jesy says, as if it's the easiest thing in the world.

     "We can't do that either, and you know it," I say, disregarding her comment just as nonchalantly as she spoke it.

     "Why not? Huh? Do you really think they're gonna kick us out of Little Mix, after all these years? We _are_ Little Mix. You, me, Jade, and Leigh. They can't have it without one of us or, heaven forbid, _two_ of us. Let's do it! Let's come out. I want to do this Perrie, I want _you_ ," Jes says, grabbing my hands and staring into my eyes so intensely that I feel it in my gut.

     "We can't," I try again. "We-"

     "Yes, we can. We-"

     "I can't!" I finally yell, shaking her hands off mine and bringing them up to cover my face. "I can't, Jes."

     She says nothing at first, not until I peek around my hands to look at her tear-stained face.

     "So are we done, then?" She asks, cold.

     It scares me, but it's better this way.

     "Yeah, we're done." I say, with a finality that comes out of nowhere.

     She nods and turns, and suddenly I want to take everything back, but I can't. This is the right thing to do. How things need to be.

\---

_November, 2018_

     She's single again.

     I'm not, but when has that really mattered? I'll drop anyone for her, and she knows it. She jumps into my bed right after the split, and I intend to hold her there as long as possible.

     After our fourth go on that first night, when we decide we need a little rest, she asks me a question I don't expect.

     "Is it still too hard?" She asks into my neck, my fingers absentmindedly running through her currently red hair.

     "Is what still too hard?" I ask, though we both know I know exactly what she's talking about.

     "Loving me? Is it still more than you're willing to handle?" She asks, tone sharp.

     I don't answer. I just keep stroking her hair. 

\---

     She's distant after that night, even while she's laying in my arms, and I hate it.

     She throws herself into the dating game, constantly going out and meeting new people. All boys. I think that makes it a bit better, but still, I miss her. There isn't a night that I don't want to take my words back, but I stay silent. It's not fair for me to give her any sort of false hope. We'll never be able to go public, especially not while Little Mix is as successful as it is right now. And I don't want to wait, can't wait any longer, so this is just how it has to be. We both date boys we sort of care for, and then still fall into bed with each other. I'm not exactly happy with the arrangement, but I convince myself I'm not unhappy either, just pleased that she and I can remain in each other's lives, even if we're limited to quick romps and clandestine visits.

\---

_February, 2019_

     She's dating someone. _Seriously_ this time. She still comes over, but for the first time, I'm truly terrified that one night she'll stop. He makes her happy, and she can be out in the open with him. He'll show her off in all the ways I never could, or never would. And that's all she's ever wanted.

     And I'm afraid.

\---

_May, 2020_

     "Speak now, or forever hold your piece," the preacher insists, and my body finds its way into a standing position all by itself.

     I don't make any noise, don't say a thing, but even in the sea of six-hundred bodies crowded in the chapel, she sees me straight away. Almost like she expected it.

     Eventually, others start to notice, their shocked whispers filling the silence.

     I don't notice the way Jade's biting her lip in the row in front of me, or how Leigh looks like she might puke in her spot next to Andre, on the other side of Alex.

     Poor, poor Alex. My fiancé, Alex. He looks sad, but not all that surprised.

     He knows how I feel, he watched his love marry another. But he had the strength to stay in his seat, to look on in silent sadness as they exchanged the vows he had refused to make.

     I cannot sit and watch Jesy promise herself to someone else.

     "Jes," I choke through chapped lips. "Jesy, I-"

     "Sit down, Perrie," she says harshly.

     "Jesy-"

     "Perrie, _please_ ," she begs, unable to keep her voice from shaking. "Please sit down."

     We look at each other then, so much left unsaid, and I finally make the right decision.

     I sit back down in my seat with a curt nod.

     Jesy meets my eyes until I'm seated, flicking them away when her almost husband places a hand on her arm.

     She smiles at him. I know it's fake, but I don't think _he_ can tell.

     The rest of the ceremony passes quickly, and I leave as soon as we're allowed to move from our seats.

     "I'll meet you at the reception," Alex says softly, looking sad and quiet.

     "I'm sorry," is all I offer before I leave the chapel quickly.

     I duck into the first bathroom I see, locking the door behind me before throwing myself against it with a sob.

     I sit and cry for several minutes before I see pointy white shoes stopped in front of me, emerging from a bathroom stall.

     I let loose a scared squeal before I look up and see that it's _her_.

     "You had no _right_ ," she says, angry tears streaming down her face as she speaks, her teeth clenched. "No right, Perrie! After all the times you pushed me away, all the times you _refused_ to be with me- it's not fair for you to not let me move on."

     "I can't, Jes. I can't," I offer.

     "Can't what, huh? Can't let me be happy?" She asks, bending down to push at my shoulder.

     "Can't let you go!" I yell, voice thick with tears. "I love you, Jesy. I have loved you, I have been _in love_ with you since I was twenty-two years old. Maybe longer. I will die loving you, Jes. I will die loving you. You're it for me, you will always be it for me, and I have known it for _years_. I have tried harder to forget how I love you than I've ever tried to do anything else in my life. But I can't forget anymore, Jessica. I love you, and I'm ready to tell everyone. I'm ready to love you right."

     "You're too late," she says, looking every bit as miserable as I feel. "Dammit, Perrie. Do you know how long I've wanted you? How long I've _waited_ for you to say what you're telling me right now? But you waited too long. You were selfish. You _embarrassed_ me, embarrassed _us_ out there, standing up like that in front of everyone. Why are you so selfish, huh? If you really love me, why didn't you do all this before? All those years, I begged you. I _begged_ you to let us be together for real, to tell everyone. I waited five long years for you, Perrie. _Five_. And you decide you're finally ready five fucking minutes before I make the biggest commitment of my life to someone else? That's cruel, Pezza. Really, truly cruel," she says, looking like she's about to dissolve into a mess of tears.

     "Jesy," I start, my throat rough. "I didn't mean-"

     "Save it, Perrie," she says with a glare. "Actually, just forget it. I love you, Pez. I really, truly love you. I wanted forever with you, but we're over now. This is over. For real, for good, _forever._ Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my husband," she says, blotting her tears and re-powdering her face before she walks over to the door, sparing me one last backward glance.

     "Goodbye, Perrie."

\---

_November, 2020_

_Perrie Edwards, ¼ of World-Famous UK-based girl band Little Mix, found dead of apparent overdose in North London home following domestic abuse related death of former bandmate, close friend and once-rumoured lover Jesy Nelson earlier this week_

_Perrie Edward's untimely death just days after former bandmate Jesy Nelson's calls into question the true nature of their relationship_

_Perrie Edwards, 27, found dead from apparent overdose in North London home by family member a mere 36 hours after the tragic death of Little Mix bandmate Jesy Nelson_

_Perrie Edwards dies of apparent suicide in North London home following the tragic spousal murder of one time best friend, band mate, and long-suspected lover Jesy Nelson on Tuesday_

_Back to Back tragedies resulting in the death's of Little Mix's Jesy Nelson, 29, and Perrie Edwards, 27, make the band's scheduled 2024 return from hiatus unlikely_

_Suicide suspected in the death of Little Mix star Perrie Edwards due to the final post discovered in Perrie's Instagram draft box, which reads: "I will die loving you."_

_Perrie Edwards final message before apparent intentional overdose seems to confirm what many fans always suspected about she and Little Mix band mate Jesy Nelson, who also died tragically this week. It reads, "I will die loving you."_

_\---_

I will die loving you, Jes. I will die loving you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. Guess she wasn't lying when she said she couldn't handle a couple more years😭  
> If it was unclear, the italicized bits near the end are meant to be like newspaper headlines.  
> Sorry to do this to you all😪  
> Reminder: This is a work of total and complete fiction. I love the girls so so SO much, and would never wish for anything remotely bad to happen to them. They are the loves of my life! I just wanted to try my hand at writing something a taaaad more dramatic. It wasn't gonna end in death, but everything ends in death eventually, doesn't it? Macabre, but true.  
> Again, this is ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. Okay, maybe November 2017 thru February of 2019 could feasibly happen, but definitely none of the other stuff. I don't think any of the girls are involved in torrid affairs or abusive relationships or heavy drugs or anything like that.  
> I have another one-shot that is disgustingly cute and undeniably happy that I'm ready to post if you all want it. So, if you want it, leave a comment or send me a message and let me know!  
> Thank you so much for reading!  
> To those who comment: Y'all are the bomb! Thanks for the support!  
> And to those who leave kudos: Thanks a million! You guys are so sweet!  
> If you do both?? You're my FAV!!  
> Also, if this is the first you're seeing of me and you're a Pesy/LM Stan, I have a few other works published on A03, as well as a blog on Tumblr that is like 95% little mix at this point. Come say hi!  
> Tumblr @ 16sydd16  
> Have a wonderful week!  
> xx  
> sydd💛

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If this is the first of my works you’re reading, please check out my (much, much longer) Pesy fic: (no one else can fix me) Only You.  
> Or, come say hi on tumblr at 16sydd16  
> I Stan the girls, so my blog is practically 90% LM (if not more) at this point.  
> Thanks for giving my writing a chance! Please let me know what you think!:)  
> xx  
> Sydd


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